Archive | Faith, Hope and Love RSS for this section

I didn’t really want to but…

Spring is good- its a new start for the earth. The flowers, trees, grass and dirt get to rejuvenate, re-germinate and regrow- throwing off the winter weight and coming out of hiding. As I look around, I see the outdoors returning to its best- not in its winter sheltering or its summer wilting but in its truest beauty, strongest form. Spring is always pushing flowers, plants, trees, grass and dirt to move- to change and grow up into what it is meant to be at its creative and creation heart.

I think sometimes being pushed by something outside of our choosing is exactly what we need to grow.

There were two instances late this past winter that have pushed me into a small amount of growth and change through the early part of Spring.

First of all, Elijah got a Lego helicopter set for Valentine’s Day. A few days after the candy was gone, Eli became very interested in trying to build the helicopter. It was a Wednesday morning when he really started asking if we could do it. The thing about Wednesdays this year is that it’s the one day that Eli, Andi and I stay home and spend the day together. School, GG day with grandma, and my work usually break up Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. So when Eli wants something on Wednesday morning- there is no escape. No one else is around- its just me and his whims, requests, great ideas, energy and pleads.

I can’t explain why I didn’t want to build the helicopter, why I thought it would be a project better suited for a Daddy/Eli evening than a Mommy/Eli morning- didn’t he want to read a book or help bake something instead?

Despite my reservations, we broke open the box and began to build. Turns out there are step by step instructions to these Lego sets- I am such a newbie! I was pleasantly surprised, and together we cruised through the construction of a pretty awesome helicopter. We worked together for almost an hour, side by side, helping each other decipher pictures and fit small pieces together. The time spent together was the best part but the actual process of Lego construction was much more fun than I thought it would be. I should not have written it off so flippantly.

Legl Helicopter- built by Eli and Mommy Feb 2012

The second winter springboard came late February in the build-up to Oscar night. Drew and I have grown to be Oscar fans- enjoying the award show and the push to see good movies. We were gifted a date night around Valentine’s day. Seeing a movie was a given that night and the choice came down to: “The Vow”- a Rachel McAdams rom-com or “Hugo”- the Oscar nominated film by Scorsese. If I was honest, I wanted to see the easy, romantic, emotionally coddling, beautiful actor filled “Vow”- it was Valentine’s season after all. However, I knew come Oscar night, I would really be wishing I had seen “Hugo”. Drew felt the same- not dying to see “Hugo” but interested definitely in what it might be. We bought tickets to the 8:05 show and were immediately blown away.

“Hugo” was a magical, beautiful, thoughtful, moving, compassionate, and adventurous piece of movie eye-candy. Beyond being so fun to watch, the themes of redemption, identity and purpose, living a good story, hoping for dreams to come true, believing the best about people, finding yourself despite failures and loss, and the beauty of a child’s power to change the world made it such a good movie. I was moved to see deeper, to hold on to hope more earnestly, and to believe in the power for people’s lives to be redeemed by compassion, inclusion, and the letting go of prejudice and fear. Again, I would have missed so much if I had given into my first, more natural inclination, to see a different movie. I didn’t want to see “Hugo” but did anyways and now cannot recommend it highly enough.

Now that its Spring, there’s a new list of things I do not really want to do…read more Superhero books to Eli, spot clean the carpets, tackle my summer work agenda, learn to cook brussel sprouts and do something with a mango I bought on sale even though I don’t really like mangoes…

However, my winter lesson- what I learned by digging deep into the nourishment of the way-down-there soil, the forced pattern of growing up and out of where I stopped growing somewhere in the busy-ness of the fall, is reminding me that the reward of doing something I do not really want to do, is often a good surprise. A bit of enjoyment, some enlightenment, perhaps greater productivity and a deeper connection with someone I love. I hope to continually submit myself to things I don’t want to do out of a discipline of becoming a greater souled person- more in touch with the world by touching things I wouldn’t choose myself but gratefully receive with open hands and an open mind.

 

Gratitude

I have been crying and complaining and being overwhelmed more often than I’d like to be lately. I can pass most of the blame off on pregnancy hormones and emotional tasks such as: discussing big financial issues for our family’s small budget, registering my son for kindergarten, having my “baby” turn 4, and in general not getting restful sleep.

I don’t want to live stuck in tears, fears, and anxiety. I want to accept Jesus’ invitation in Matthew 11:28-30. As penned in The Message it reads:

28-30“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Freely and lightly…ahhhh. Doesn’t that sound nice?

I think one step towards light and free living, towards hope and love and peace outside of my circumstances, is practicing daily gratitude. Reminding myself of what and whom I have been given, what I get to see, the places and people I am a part of, and the grace that permeates through my life.

So begins my short list of the innumerable blessings for which I am grateful…in no particular order…

-the ability to get pregnant and bear children

-my husband- specifically right now because of his ability to think big picture and play wholeheartedly

-Andi who turned 4 yesterday and her free spirit that leads her to sing, dance, make faces, flip upside down, and care very little- most of the time- what others think of her

-Eli who cares deeply about people and relationships, who has a brain that remembers everything, who cannot sit still and uses that energy to engage life so fully

-friends who share their swimming pools

-that my kids really enjoy swimming and are brave and adventurous in the water

-my opportunities to have traveled to different parts of Europe and Central America and now for the chance to stay mostly home

-living close to people I love

-chances to get to the people I love that live far away because of good flight deals, a work trip to CO, or carpooling with the Bruces!

-a deck that is shaded by a big tree

-summer assignments at Castaway

-when Eli calls me Mommy

-getting to work out at Crossfit Northland

-living in a state that has all 4 seasons

-my church – Jacob’s Well

-working cars

-our house (yep, it makes the list, despite its smallness and its termites and its foundation cracks- I really am grateful we live here, now)

-the recent “invention” of (or my delayed appreciation for) Greek yogurt. Sooo much better than the regular stuff!

-sweet smelling flowers outside

-trails to hike and bike around my house

-family and friends who love and care for our kids

-desserts

-deep breathing

Shoot…out of time…all for now. Feeling free and light and ready to go.

I’m grateful for you reading this 🙂

Termites and the Resilence of the Human Spirit

On Sunday I spoke in front of over 200 people and my opening line was, “This is the Day the Lord has made, Let us Rejoice and BE GLAD in it, let us receive this day as a gift, blah blah blah…”. No really, it was profound and I meant it. I pray most mornings, “In the beginning, God said, ‘Let there be Light’ and there was Light. This very day God has acted. May God’s name be praised”.

Starting a day in such a way should serve to prepare one’s heart and mind, soul and spirit, speech and behavior for selflessness, gratitude and generosity throughout the day. However, my days do not always play out in such a free and light fashion…insert real life example: YESTERDAY!!

Here is a list of things that seek to overwhelm or sink me in a major or minor sense depending on the day:

-changing bunk bed sheets

-having a sick kid and not knowing for sure if a doctor visit is necessary

-neighbors in my backyard who are bothering me, my kids, my newly planted grass with their language, behavior, muddy shoes etc…

-bugs inside my house

-unmet expectations and plans being changed or cancelled (especially due to inclement weather)

I’m not proud of this list, nor is it an exhaustive list of all that can cause me emotional, physical or mental distress on an ordinary day. It is a bit of the picture of who I am (and probably what I need to work on!).

I woke up yesterday tired from a weekend away and with a slight sickness that made me mildly but constantly uncomfortable all day. I also woke up to a crying and fussy 3 year old daughter. Having been out of town all weekend, I wasn’t sure what had preceded these tears and cries of anguish. Everyone assured me she had acted fine and healthy all weekend. Her discomfort and unease was however convincing enough that indeed, all of a sudden, this morning, she was sick. We called the doctor and had an appointment within the hour.

Sure enough, poor Andi was inflicted with yet another ear infection. Her third in three months which substantiates that something needs to change in the treatment and checking up plan. Poor sister was in a lot of pain and didn’t feel like herself. She got meds (affordable but effective meds) and we headed home. We were home 5 minutes, when she scraped off half her foot while closing the front door. Ouch indeed, and more crying and tears would ensue for the next 4 hours, off and on.

Around 11am, we had friends to play and neighbors randomly popping over. The afternoon was shaping up nicely as we drew on the driveway with chalk. That is until I noticed some bugs flying about. I dismissed them at first thinking they were harmless spring flies…until I turned around. There in the crack of my driveway and garage was a SWARM of not friendly bugs, but TERMITES! A massive swarm, in the crack, all up and down the garage wall and creeping into my house. I ran inside and indeed found them on our downstairs furniture and carpet.

This was terrible and nerve breaking news. This was event number 3, of the day, on the “what breaks Linds” list (forgot to mention that I was washing the bunk bed sheets and needed to remake at least one bed before nap time when the swarm broke out!)

I told the kids and their friends to stay out of the house and we all watched them swarm and fly about on the driveway. I called Drew in a teary panic and with utter frustration. He graciously answered his phone on the busiest work day of his life- the day before tax day 2012! Together we agreed we should be under warranty from our termite issues of last summer (this is unfortunately the 4th swarm I’ve witnessed at my house!). We hung up so Drew could return to the stress of taxes and processing and I could return to the creeping, flying swarming party happening IN and around my house.

My sweet and calming friend Kristin arrived 6 minutes into the panic to pick up her kids. What a gift to have a friend who sat with me and flicked termites off her shirt, assuring me that it would work out, being mad with and for me that they were here, and talking me down off the ledge. All the while, our children smashed and watched the bugs- staying relatively calm and positive about the whole thing.

We are under warranty and should have them retreated in a couple of days. No new swarms in the last 24 hours.

Today I was invited to the “Women Who’ve Changed the Heart of the City” luncheon to benefit City Union Mission’s ministry to the homeless of Kansas City. It was a generous invite from my friend Binny and a privilege to sit in the 500 person room today. The food was great and the presentation polished and meaningful. They honored three women who have changed the heart of the city. One of the honorees was Laura R. Hockaday who wrote for the KC Star for 38 years. She turned the “Society” page into the “Peoples” page and expanded the narrow social news focus to include the good work being done by oft overlooked Black and Hispanic populations in the city. Today when Elizabeth Alex, the emcee, asked Ms. Hockaday what most formed her as she conducted so many interviews with people around the city, she answered, “I learned deeply about the resilience of the human spirit”. She was changed when she heard stories of people’s hardship and saw how they had overcome.

Obviously, my yesterday was not real hardship. Even in the middle of termite vacuuming, I told myself, “This is not that big of a deal…this doesn’t have to consume/defeat you”, and yet I felt drained and defeated at the end of the night. I had very little resilience as I laid myself down to sleep.

Today is a new day, another gift, another chance to screw up and be anxious or afraid, frantic or frustrated, OR a chance to slow down, to notice, appreciate, wonder, forgive, be free, have patience, choose joy, hold onto hope, and restart.

As humans we can overcome. We are strong on our own and have each other and a resurrected triune God who knows us, and holds everything that IS, together. To have resilience in our human spirit must mean getting up when the list of what beats us down has check-marks all over it. It can mean not letting circumstances tell us who we are or what we are worth. Or loving despite not receiving love in return and giving when we are the poorest. I don’t know what it means really but when Ms. Hockaday said that, I realized today was my opportunity to be resilient, and in doing whatever that means, to be gracious, grateful, and good.

 

 

 

Easter’s Proleptic Hope

Easter is moving to a higher spot on my “Most Favorite Theologically Significant Holidays” list. As I’ve learned more about the church calendar, the liturgical year, I’ve moved away from Advent and Christmas as the high points, towards Easter and Christ’s resurrection as the pinnacle piece of my faith. This move makes sense when we realize the Bible tells the story of the Passion and Resurrection of Christ in all four gospels but the birth story of Jesus in only Matthew and Luke. Keepers of the lectionary and liturgical chronological practices tell us the Resurrection of Christ that one “Sunday” is the reason we worship and feast each Sunday now.  Every Sunday is a mini Easter, keeping us ever in the weekly rhythm of celebrating the power of God in conquering death and the continual reign of the Risen Christ.

In seminary I learned a myriad of complicated and new words. The one word that changed my faith the most, that directs my days still today, is PROLEPSIS. Say it with me. “Pro- lep- sis”

Theologian Wolfhart Pannenberg is most commonly associated with harolding the theological construct of prolepsis. Pannenberg speaks of prolepsis as a way that God reveals Godself and God’s intentions for the world.

Pannenberg’s view on reality was “‘an eschatologically oriented ontology’ that is, a view of reality that is based on a future-oriented history.”[1]

He put forth that all that will ever be revealed about God in the future has already been revealed through the past historical event of Christ’s conquering of death through the resurrection.

Pannenberg explained the significance of the Christ event as central to God’s indirect revelation because the history of Jesus “is the anticipation of the future of God wherein God is fully revealed”.[2] The resurrection of Jesus Christ reveals God’s intentions for knowing, saving, redeeming, and having relationship with all of humanity.

The prolepsis event gives followers of Christ the assurance that we can know what will be because of what has happened in the past. I believe God will eventually rescue all creation out of destruction and death and bring all of creation to a restored fullness and wholeness. Small evidences of this redeeming work happen every day as God works through willing Christian believers committed to carrying out God’s redemptive work on earth until the final consummation of the kingdom comes.

As we sit in the silence of this Holy Saturday, the waiting moments before the resurrection hope is born anew in our hearts through worship, community, meditation, and family gatherings tomorrow, we  have HOPE. A proleptic hope means we can trust God for the future because of what we know God did in the past.  THE FUTURE WILL BE WHAT WE FIND IN CHRIST’S RESURRECTION- the meaningful future is in the past.

God’s most defining reveal was in the resurrection of Christ. When God brought Christ back from the dead, God said, “NO! Everything will not end in destruction, violence, suffering and death. Even death will not have the final word. I AM about renewal, rebuilding, reconciliation, and rebirth and MY purposes will finally and forever reign.”

So, may we be working with God in these purposes and celebrating the victory of Christ’s great sacrificial love over the darkness.

Happy Easter.


[1] Don H Olive, Wolfhart Pannenberg in Makers of the Modern Theological Mind series ed. Bob E. Patterson, (Waco: Word Books, 1973), 100.

[2] Ibid.

Change your life chicken and 3 candles

It all started with what I’ve started calling, the “Change your life Chicken” recipe from Contessa that is a Valentine’s time tradition in our life and marriage. On Feb 18th, Drew and I were cooking together. We put together a pretty great meal for a pretty ordinary family Saturday night. With the table almost set and the the food finishing (roasted, mashed butternut squash, salad and the Parmesan encrusted chicken), Drew said “This is such a nice dinner. It feels like we should be celebrating something.” Eli and Andi were both underfoot in the kitchen and Eli piped up immediately saying, “Are we celebrating? What are we celebrating?!” Drew caught my eye and whispered, “What if we just told them?” I nodded. Eli’s keen eye caught the exchange and he persisted, “What? What are we celebrating? When will you tell us?” Drew lit the three candles we’ve had on the table since Vday (red, pink, and white) and Andi took her seat to speed up the process. Hot food set, anxious children wiggling in their chairs, and parents without a distinct plan-we set about sharing the surprise celebration news. Drew said, “Well…” and I jumped in..

L- “How many candles are lit here?”

E and A- “Three”

L- “Yes. And how many kids do we have in our family?”

E and A- “Four”

L-“Not people. Just kids”

E and A- “Two”

L-“Welllll (drawing it out for obvious dramatic effect), pretty soon we are going to have this many kids in our family-  3 kids like there are 3 candles!”

(their faces spread into slow smiles and their eyes literally lit up, their words were few, and after a few quick moments, both their eyes and heads dropped simultaneously to my stomach)

D-“Mommy is pregnant! Do you know what that means?”

A-“That you have to have a baby in your tummy Mommy!!!”

L-“Yes, and do you know what that means for you and Andi, Eli?”

E-“That we’re going to have a brother!”

A-“Or a sister!”

D-“Yes. We don’t get to choose but we will love the baby whether it is a girl or a boy. You will both get to be a big brother and a big sister”

A-“Mommy, are we going to keep it?”

L-“Yes Andi. Of course”

A-“I’m going to play with her all the time. We are getting to have a baby Eli!”

L and D-“It takes a long time to grow a baby in Mommy’s tummy. The baby will not come out until after Andi’s birthday, after Castaway, after Eli’s birthday, and even after you start kindergarten Eli”

E-“Oh wow. That’s a long time.”

D-“Are you guys excited?”

E and A-“Oh yea”

We went on to talk names- Cutie, Sarah, Boo-yah, and various of their friends’ names came quickly to mind. We kind of like Baby Boo-ya for the pregnancy name of this baby. Thanks for that Eli.

The looks on their faces- joy, complete surprise, shock, excitement and childlike wonder brought tears to my eyes immediately. It was precious- where was our video camera?!

Drew and I had known for about 3 weeks that we were expecting a third child. This time was so different from Eli and Andi who’s conceptions were absolute surprises. To have planned and tried for this baby was a new experience and our joy was great. We had meant to keep it quiet and not share with Eli and  Andi until we were out of the miscarriage danger zone or until we were more ready to share with others. However, the mood and moment of that night in February was too good to pass up.

How sweet it was to share this precious news with the ones that will bear the journey and the life with this new life inside me. I was humbled to share with the ones who have first taught me to be a mom , the two who have let me make mistakes and learn from them so that I’ll be a mom who’s grown a little bit for this new little one.

Turns out “Change your life Chicken” was the perfect menu item for such a night. Elijah and Andi’s life will be changed by the news we shared with them at the table, in the candle light, that night. Our family will change as we grow and we cannot contain the expectation and excitement that we feel for this third gift.

Neighbors

We live in a half of a duplex. Which we bought 5 1/2 years ago when we were surprised to find out we were pregnant and needed some room to grow. We said goodbye to our one bedroom apartment- all 740 sq ft of it- and sought a clean and manageable abode. After touring many houses we could hardly afford and in no way wanted to buy due to their lack of baseboards, slanted and leaking roofs, or weird sauna rooms in the back of the basement, we bought this place.  A remodeled and totally updated half of a duplex. It’s been great. I love where we live geographically with our neighborhood and easy access to running routes, shops, restaurants, family, and “my” HyVee. What I don’t always love are my neighbors.

But, I want to love them and know that Jesus expects this of me. It’s in this realm that I feel most challenged and most in tune with what Jesus really does probably want from me- loving people that aren’t easy for me to love. I often have good intentions of loving them but almost always fail in executing those intentions. It’s deeper than my head. I’ve tried to think of all the reasons to have patience and peace towards them. This is not enough-I have to have a change in my heart, through my feelings, and in my behavior.

Yesterday I feel like I failed again. One neighbor is in 6th grade and leads the life of a much older teenager. My heart breaks for this kid. I’ve see him having to fight battles that he didn’t create on his own with “weapons” of angry words, and rebellion. He’s alone in tangible and intangible ways.

He was smoking on his deck yesterday while I was outside playing with my small children. When I finally decided to wander over there, instead of asking him how he was doing, I asked him WHY he was smoking. No matter that it was a joking voice, meant to be congenial and friendly but still convey the gravity of smoking as a 13 year old and that his body was worth more than that smoke. I left the interaction feeling bummed. I wish I would have said Hi instead of WHY.

More on the neighbors to come I’m sure. And hopefully there will be a difference in my head and heart that comes out through attitudes, feelings and behaviors by then.