A Prescription for Inscription

Summer is over. Fragmented into wonderfully unique and easily enjoyed segments of three to four weeks, we were home and away. Especially awesome, we celebrated new cousins (Emry Osborne and Crosby Sears) and Eli’s 13th birthday!

June (4 weeks)- Coves Swim team and Jacob’s Well Enneagram Class. Linds=8! Drew 5! Kids= fast!

July (3 weeks)– Castaway- Family fun and working hard with humble hard workers to share good news.

July (1 week)- Florida- 14 family members, 5 beaches, 1 amazing back yard pool.

August (2 weeks)– Kansas City- reconnecting with friends and family, getting ready for school.

Because of

where we went*, what I’ve read**, who I’m with*** and how we’re growing****

this summer I’ve learned: 

• I lift a lot of weight but the most powerful thing I hold is people.
• New is hard. But not forever.
• Sibling rivalry is loud, jarring, and often thwarts game playing enjoyment.
• Resilience is what we deeply want kids to possess but hope they hardly have to use.
• Our house and yard are lovely…gifts… a privilege. And yet, if I could be picky- I wish our trees would stop falling down and that we could find a flat spot for a trampoline.
• Be curious- not judgmental. 
• We hope our kids are: kind, equal, hopeful, and pleasant this year
• It can be hard to hold both the demands of a job and the needs of a family at the same time.
• I’m not better than you, you’re not better than me.
• Putting stickers on my water bottle feels like a gateway to getting a tattoo. I won’t get one…putting a Baby Groot sticker on my water bottle has me experiencing enough angst.
• To empty oneself is undesirable but might truly lead to freedom. (Philippians 2)
• When belovedness is fully realized, if we can get secure in God’s favor for us,  the overflow is love to share.
• I strongly recommend… putting “HUG” into the search box in your Google photos. Just do it.

*We went to the Ethnic Enrichment Festival in KC last weekend in addition to the travels above

**Just finished Becoming by Michelle Obama 

***I’m with Drew, I’m with friends and coaches at Crossfit Northland, I’m with Young Life staff around the states 

***** Eli is smiling in 7th grade so far, Andi is braving and enjoying 6th grade, and Oakley is energized by 1st grade.

I’m big for summing up the year in a photo book, long list, or a New Year’s date with Drew. This year we did a white board approach and included 12 things from everybody. Camper excluded. To name a few in case you don’t want to study the individual and squishy lists:

Linds:

1. Crossfit- re-certified, won a competition, and quit coaching
2. Went from being a homeschooling mom to a home alone mom
3. Took Andi and Eli skiing solo at Loveland

Drew:

1. Ruptured Achilles
2. Took a Sabbatical including a Northwest Michigan vacation
3. Had fun with SKC and Patrick Mahomes

Eli:

1. First Boy Scout Camping trip at Bartle
2. Did a lot of fishing at our pond and started diving
3. Started middle school after finishing a second year of homeschool

Andi:

1. Had an Amazing Race 10th birthday party
2. Went to the Lion King musical
3. Completed Memory Master for Classical Conversations and her goal of learning a back handspring on the ground

Oakley:

1. Learned to read, ride a bike, and swim
2. Enjoyed his new cousins Remi, Quinn, and Simon
3. Loved building over 10 Lego sets

Through it all, we enjoyed each other, made new friends, gave thanks (or at least tried to) in hard circumstances, traveled to Colorado, Castaway, and Michigan, couldn’t believe the tragedies that happened in the world, worked for change were we could, learned about: mental health, the concretization of the ideal, decision fatigue, patience, influence, persuasion, crucial conversations, servant leadership, and held on tight to hope.

Goals for 2019 include: 

-keeping the bed dry all night, reading 12 books, learning a standing back flip, becoming more still and mindful, and getting straight As. You’ll have to guess who’s working on what. What’s your aim for 2019? 

Family Hugs

Maybe it’s because I’ve watched so many movies. Or because I’ve done Young Life work with kids and families for over 15 years. Perhaps it’s because my sister-in-law is a movie star (go watch A Godwink Christmas on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries right now!). Could be that the families on movie screens (I’m talking about the broken, raw, complicated ones like Goodwill Hunting, The Fighter, Black Swan, The Kids are Alright, Frozen, Manchester by the Sea and all the others featuring orphans, divorce, abuse, poverty, and more), and the heart break of some YL kids, show me the privilege it is to be me, in my family.

I have a husband who is my favorite everything and who finds me to be his as well. We have three kids who are healthy, strong, fun, and fearless (mostly).

My siblings are my best friends and my sisters and brothers in law are friend status with family benefits on every tree branch- Sustad or Osborne.

I live two doors down from my sister! We do life together all the time.

My sister in law is on TV! And movies!

I get to play four generation board games with my grandparents and my children when we travel OFTEN to Colorado.

My adult cousins and I have dear times together presently and the best childhood shared stories.

My Kansas City aunt and uncle and now cousins, were rocks for the early Missouri years here and are good friends now.

I was raised in love and with vacations, boundaries, big emotions and lots of honesty. I get to cherish the memories and pass on the good stuff.

I joined a family of strength, stability, generosity, love and geographic proximity. I love the Osbornes and very literally could not have done life and work the last 15 years without them.

It just hit me before Thanksgiving, that my family is another bit of privilege I carry in my blessed life. Those bullets just above form a long list and don’t tell the half of it. I didn’t get too mention clothes, make-up, jewelry and gorgeous smiley niece Remi!- all gifts from my sister Nat who I get to fly to see this weekend.

I am awed. Thankful. I want to steward the privilege well. I must recognize the responsibility to use the blessing to be a blessing.

Along with appreciation and blessing, my invitation is to step into areas of imperfection, struggle, mess and discomfort that are also a part of my family. We have suffered loss, divorce, manipulation, sarcasm, rejection, abuse, anger, outbursts, bad habits, mental illness, and contempt. Relationships between some are strained and bruised, perhaps beyond repair. I think however, the call is to recognize the good and enter into the bad, taking on some ugly.

If I have to endure some awkward, uncomfortable, messy, even painful family experiences, I trust I will make it through and be stronger. Our obedience to family allegiance will forge through some of the mess.

We don’t get to say where we are born and who we get. I’m glad I got my people and relish the privilege of being a Sustad/Osborne at this time of year  especially.

The privilege of being with our family, wrought with blessing and struggle, can be a fragile one…see part 2.

Oakley’s God-family

Snuggle buddies

Today is the FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL across Kansas City. The Osborne three joined the masses. Recent graduates of the unofficial Osborne-Elementary -home school- gap year- adventure, Eli, Andi and Oakley went to 6th grade, 5th grade, and kindergarten today.

I’m not crying. Today I’m celebrating, indulging, and remembering. Maybe tomorrow I’ll cry. Today has been too carefully planned and filled up.

6:15- Eli awoke and showered.

6:20- We have breakfast (cereal- it’s a Wednesday) just us and E

6:50- Eli left on the bus for middle school. Andi woke up to wish him a good day. Super sweet move by the sister. (Agh…they’ve done SOOO much life together these two…this split between schedules and buildings feels severe)

7:20- Drew woke Oaks up and he found his new favorite clothes and the light up shoes to complete the look (What if they come untied? He’ll never keep them on all day right? He NEVER wears shoes. Can he run fast in those? Is there gym today?)

7:45- Breakfast conversations with Oaks about how he doesn’t remember where his class is and he remembers the bench in the lunch room looks much longer than the bench here at home he’s sitting on.

8:10- Out to the bus stop. We have a great neighborhood party at the bus stop. Cute puppies play, very cute kids connect with excited energy.

8:18- The bus pulls up. Oaks says and I quote, “I’m going to get on the bus and I don’t know what will happen. I get to get on the bus.” Then Benjamin touched his arm and they walked together, backpacks facing parents, faces facing the new year.

8:25- Drew and I toast 12 years of parenting, and the third and final round of kindergarten send offs, on our new deck and new deck furniture.

10:15- I get a mani/pedi with birthday money and sit in the salon with three moms doing the same first day of school move I’ve chosen- self care!

12:30- Camper and I go around the walk and pray for the kids where and how they are at school.

1:30- I have a phone call about the vision and logistics of my new job.

3:00pm- Now Eli will be home any moment. Andi and Oakley will arrive around 4:00. Hopefully the bus quickens.

I am grateful.

Thank you Eli, Andi, and Oakley for all the ways you’ve been for each other and for our family mission*.

Thank you Andi, Oaks, and Eli for swinging together on the swing set last night and being sweet to each other this morning.

Thank you Oakley, Eli and Andi, for being brave today. For going back to school, and into it for the first time, having had two years outside of what your friends have been doing. You truly are brave and bold and I’m proud of you.

Thank you Park Hill Schools for working hard to be inclusive, prepared, high tech, benevolent, safe, and strategic in offering education to our kids.

Thank you my extended family for caring about our kids as they have gone through this and many other changes and transitions. Your thoughts, prayers, and Snaps were soul boosts today.

Thank you Classical Conversations of Shawnee for the last two years which are present in my passing thoughts and memories often these days. Thank you for the strong connections in their heads of dates, names, and sentence diagrams. The people and learning we received leaves a meaningful mark for which we are better- more connected as a family and deeper thinkers.

Thank you Castaway for the summers we spend on mission, in beauty, and encountering Jesus at His closest.

Thank you Drew for dating me, marrying me, having kids with me, and saying yes to some crazy (and good!) ideas I get. As one comes to an end, I look back with awe at how much your support, hard work, slow processing, great perspective, and willingness to enter in has made me stronger and helped me get here.

Thank you Here for the chance to walk into newness with faith, hope, and open hands. We look to be amazed, and want to bring help and hope.

Thank you Camper for keeping me company. Leash up, let’s go get the kids!

*We recently penned family values by asking, “Who are the Osbornes?/What are we about?” and collectively said:

• We play games together
• We are a drug free family
• We believe the best about each other- we know we have each other on our team/side
• “Just go to bed”- is what we often say, which really means, we value good sleep in our family
• We have good gifts from God and our job is to take care of them and share them
• We are blessed to be blessings
• We do things to be safe, strong, smart and spiritual with good self control.

There are adages about “child-like things”- faith, enthusiasm, or directness.

You can see by these pictures in the post that there is a bravery, a lack of concern for slimy-creepiness that kids possess. A zest for experiencing the fullness of what’s offered that can lead them to leap!- into holding Precious (Oaks’ buddy there) or Bumblebee (the one who kept his head up). *     **

e, because a team was losing their cohesiveness, and right before talking humans through conflict management, Jesus grabs a child and figuratively (maybe literally too) holds her up.

 ^“ 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. ⁴ Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. ⁵ And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.”

It was about a month ago that I was sitting on the floor of the deck after hanging laundry that Oaks came out with a book. He backed himself up and plopped himself down in my lap. Oakley pushed deeper into the crevices of my hips and knees, nestled his head back carefully to my chest, and grabbed one arm to place my hand on top of his leg. Not only on my lap, but inside my grasp- Oaks asked for the book.

I thought right then of “child-like faith.” (Which Jesus doesn’t expressly command but people say…)

Child-like faith assumes an open lap,  unconditional, ready and willing, yes-saying Love. Children believe adults will love them, welcome them, accept them, meet their needs and be strong enough for their push backs.

Being child-like means expecting people will love you. Kids believe they are worthy of climbing into the lap of one who loves them, into the arms of one always open for an embrace.

I bet the little kid came to Jesus just like Oaks to my lap, “Of course I can walk into a crowd of amped up adults…that guy loves me, he’ll have me.”

Andi dances. She always has, and only for one semester in a studio. Andi’s debut was a Christmas Day dance in my sister Natalie’s basement. She was almost three and she had moves, but mostly she had the freedom to dance what she felt no matter who was watching or what they thought.

We do family dance parties and they’re magical for sure, disco balls and all. But Andi dancing for the couch of three watching? Andi dancing alone, willingly, without sunglasses or a costume, with self choreographed moves…at age ten? That,  I happen to find astounding. She did it Friday night to a four minute song while Drew, Oaks, and I encouraged and watched in awe. Creative, free, and expressive she moved. We oohed and cheered. Being child-like is being free to express what you love to do or make- boldly and proudly.   (Click on the picture of Andi and she’ll dance!)

It was Friday she danced after Thursday when she swam. Eli and Andi’s swim careers have always been childlike. Being childlike is wearing a one piece, swim cap, goggle lines and participation ribbons all night. They just want to be where their friends are, back at the blankets in-between swims, playing games, coloring with markers, and appreciating the attention of coaches who know their names and advocate for their personal bests.

When you don’t care what people think of you, when you don’t care what you look like, what do you gain?

Jesus says, “The kingdom.”

A place where there is love, there is freedom, and there is enough.

Kids ask for big things and expect to get them. Jesus also invites this- He is the one who gives more than anything we might think to ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

It’s not hard for my kids to ask, “Can we can print 10 copies of coloring sheets? Open a new jar of peanut butter because it’s smoother to spread? or Run water for playing with the hose for 30 minutes?” They don’t think about how ink runs out, or water costs money, or multiple jars of open peanut butter is cabinet clutter. They think about maximizing the moment, serving the whims of their friends and utilizing resources that seem to be sitting there.  Why do I (all adults?) seem so bent on worrying about when things might run out? Childlike is fully enjoying the gift of whats available without worry. 

Eli has been at Boy Scout camp (Bartle in Osceola, MO)  for six days and will stay another three. We miss him but he’s thriving. Being childlike is putting on the full uniform and carrying a backpack holding  anything you might need for the adventure.

Eli left in full “Class-A” dress- its green and brown and button up- an outfit that matches him to others on the same journey. Clothes that say, “We are all in this together. From any house or home life, a Scout is a Scout. Who cares what you “regularly” wear.” When he added the hat they gave him before he left and strapped on the pack, we knew he was fully embracing the risk, the separation from family, and the freedom of the trip. His tent mate is a kind boy named Matthew and they’ve thrown sand around in a game of bags and their dirty clothes into the same stinky mesh laundry bag.

Being childlike is being brave enough to grow up, secure in who you are and who you’re with. 

What I saw in Eli on Sunday was a kid, surely, but a growing up one. He was going on a hike with a friend, and no adults. He was showing us around places he’s conquered we knew nothing about. Eli was kind and respectful but playful and competitive too.

Jesus is correct, kids get the kingdom. When you are a kid, you are free to play. Play involves imagination and big messes. Play means the world is out there with a place for you to create in it. Kids look for others to see their stuff, cheer them on, know their tears and pains, and pick them up. Kids are vulnerable without trying to be- they must cry out.

I love my kids and want to be more like them. I want to go back to when I didn’t know and didn’t care what I looked like or who might not like or accept me. I want to walk and talk, write and sing (loooooong shot!), without fear.

If the kingdom is a place of love, acceptance, enough, security and joy, I know there are kids there and I have work to do to get in. Jesus, help me be childlike. 

*Since I’ve sat down to pen this post, two of the occasions about which I’ve intended to write have been happening- three books read to a snuggled-in boy on my lap and 30 minutes of uninterrupted water play with our backyard hose.

** Those snakes, Precious and Bumblebee, are a part of the ecology center at Bartle. I never expected Eli or Oaks to be so curious or brave as to hold a snake. Wow…they were tough. Andi’s engagement and interest never surprises me with the animal kingdom. She is a lover of all God’s creatures- fuzzy or scaly.