Last week as I swept the floor I got a gift. (Side Note: Sweeping is my favorite household chore for the sweet satisfaction of the ratio of effort to result. Our kitchen is small and the tile forgiving, so usually I can work for 5 minutes and have a large and satisfying pile of debris. The result is a clean floor that makes me feel more at peace with the world in general and more in control of the chaos around the house. Ahhhhh!)
However, last week, the sweeping gift was not the satisfaction of clearing debris and restoring peace, it was a realization, an “A-ha”, and perhaps even a word from the Spirit about life. I thought/heard: “Life is long. You will be somewhere else someday, but here, right now, is okay”.
I took a deep breath. There seems to be so much pushing us forward, ahead, into the future right now, that an affirmation of being content in the moment, to pause in the present, to be okay with what “IS” now, was a gift.
We are 23 weeks pregnant with child number 3. This pushes us forward in a number of ways. Probably most immediate is that we will have another person to put into our small house. The small baby person is not going to take up nearly as much space as the baby’s corresponding crap- er, I mean, layette- the crib, pack-n-play, swing, bouncy seat, diaper pail, clothes, car seat, etc… etc… all come with the very small new person. I can picture space for the baby in our house, arms, and hearts…I have no idea where all the baby stuff will reside.
Add to the new baby, the fact that Eli will start kindergarten. I imagine we need space for the daily kindergarten paper/project accumulation right? A different, bigger, house would be nice. On most days, we feel like it wouldn’t just be nice, it’s actually downright necessary for our family sanity.
However, while sweeping, I realized, “We will live somewhere else someday. It’s okay to stay here for now.” Who knows when someday will be and where that other house is, for now, contentedness has settled in my head and heart and for that I’m grateful. I’m open to open doors for new houses or a knock on the door of this house from someone off the street who would love to buy it, but until it’s clear there is a place to go, we will stay and be okay.
I think living more in the now also means being okay that the answer to other questions is “Not Yet”.
“Is Elijah reading?” …. “Not yet.” -He’s becoming more and more interested in words. He is actually reading simple word books and signs at the store, but I feel no need to push him, and instead am enjoying watching his world open up as he is interested in figuring it out himself!
“Do you know if you’re having a boy or a girl?”… “Not Yet.” -We are waiting to discover the gender of our baby until the moment he/she is born. We knew with Eli and Andi that they were a boy and girl at 20 weeks but have decided to be surprised this time. We feel comfortable with the mystery and exceedingly excited for either a daughter or son in early October!
“Do you think you’ll leave the Young Life staff Lindsey?”…”Not Yet.” -I feel very grateful to have a job that uses my gifts of teaching, my passion for leading others, my desire to be in personal relationships with people, that gives me an outlet and the challenge of applying my Master’s of Divinity, and offers me the flexibility to work and be a mom. I love that I get to travel to YL camps and conferences to speak, to learn, and to connect. Perhaps there will be another job for me in or out of YL but right now, I’m profoundly blessed to do what I do.
“Will we have another child after this one?”…”Don’t know Yet.” -I can’t say for sure that we feel finished having children. I’m not ready to tie my tubes, though it would be so convenient with my insides all exposed during this c-section. We are open to stopping or adding children and can’t land on the final number today. I guess we’ll forgo the convenient contraceptive opportunity and continue our ever surprising, adventurous and absolutely mind-blowing wonderful adventure of family.
Right now, the Kansas City summer has been blissfully mild- temps in the 80’s, low humidity, cool nights and mornings. I don’t know when it will turn to stifling hot sticky-ness, but it’s not like that yet and I’m grateful.
There is so much right now, I’ll stay here, and move to what’s next when it’s time.
