A Prescription for Inscription

Today, a little birthday after school spontaneous “Build-A-Tiger”….Rainbow Stripe.

Today my daughter turns seven. For seven years, I have had the privelege of being Andi Gayle Grace’s mom and thus receiving a front row seat to her thoughtfulness and intensity, her soul and singing, her development and growth, and her personality, and play. For seven years, Andi has been  smiling, crying, eating, using her voice, and moving her body. For seven years I’ve gotten to take care of Andi, cheer her on, love, celebrate, discipline, and study her.

Some things have stayed the same…

She picks: bare feet, puzzles, art, creative play in a corner, and being physical.

She skips: being left out or left behind, last minute changes or stress, brushing out the front of her hair, staying “even-steven” emotionally.

Somethings continue to impress and surprise us…

Her first grade tenacity and friend-making has far surpassed the overwhelming exhaustion she had in kindergarten.

She explored dance and gymnastics this year and has landed on gymnastics for the primary reason of getting to handstand and cartwheel her way through any where we go.

Andi decided to take her training wheels off on Memorial Day weekend and rode freely and strong off on her own in minutes!

Andi makes us laugh, gets angry quickly, loves deeply and so easily, and is still finding treasures in what most people see as trash. Andi loves her brothers and makes time for them individually. She crafts and writes and does really well at school. Andi is maturing into her own ideas and losing absolutely, not one ounce, of artistic imagination. I celebrate her beauty and efforts and affirm she is cherished just as she is right now and will be forever.

On a whole other level, I just returned yesterday from visiting another “daughter” of mine.

I met Lauren when she was 15 and in Park Hill Young Life club. Drew and I gave our whole life to Young Life kids at that time of our life and Lauren was one we loved the most. She spent hours at our house and she and I became the best of friends. Seven years ago, she met the man she married in 2013. Last week, they had a baby girl named Avery.

I was invited into their precious first days as a family to feed Lauren so she could feed Avery, to say a lot as an experienced parent to brand new ones, but also to keep my mouth shut as they followed their own instincts and preferences. I stayed in their beautiful and comfortable house and helped with meals and errands, breastfeeding technique, burps, and her first bath. I was overwhelmed seeing Lauren so confident, comfortable and in love with her daughter, and yet not surprised at all. Lauren will be a wonderful, loving, intelligent, invested, crafty, and attentive mom.

Aron’s love for Avery was off the charts when I arrived on day 1, but his confidence in newborn handling was a bit low. He grew 5-fold in 5 days in his level of confidence and skills in caring for such a tiny human. He never ever wavered in his unconditional support and love for Lauren. Their marriage is built on a deep friendship and their love birthed a baby who is invited up into love that happened before her, and will always be there for her.

I am so grateful I got to spend days with one of my dearest friends, in awe of her maternal intuition and ease of mothering. I loved meeting a very precious new baby Avery, and being a part of their life in Dallas. I went to help, reassure, remind, affirm, teach, and cook. I left, filled up having been a part of something so special and new and felt very taken care of by my good friend and her sweet husband and their hospitality.

And we’ve marked a family anniversary...

While I was gone, the one year anniversary of our move-in date to our new house happened. We moved April 26, 2014. On April 26, 2015, Drew and a gang of strong and adventurous men friends, moved again…a swing set into our back yard.

We’ve spent a year trying to resurrect the remains of grass that once was lush and healthy but is now very clover and weed infested. We spent a year growing vegetables in the garden we inherited, wore out precious new healthy grass for the very good reason of backyard baseball during the Royal’s World Series run, and we ate meals out on our deck.

We made innumerable inside memories with our first fire in the fireplace, hosting baby showers for Laura and June and Lauren and Avery, a wedding shower for Melissa, and Christmas Being. We woke up here on Christmas morning with stockings hung on our actual mantle. We’ve met neighbors, made friends, and swam laps on the swim team. We changed schools and haven’t looked back. We’ve hosted visitors and held sleepovers.

On the night we moved in we measured the kids on the doorframe in the laundry room. This year, they measured almost 4 inches taller each. We’ve literally grown up in our house.

The swingset was a dream of mine. I wanted a place to play, be active, be imaginative, be alone, be together, and be free in our own backyard. We were doing okay on all this without one but I thought our backyard and children’s brains and bodies would benefit from one. I wrote a note on the door of an unused looking set asking if perhaps they were done with it. A nice man called and said, yes they were and sure it could move to our yard. One month later, Drew led the charge, our friends stepped up, and my dream came true.

As we look celebrate Andi, welcome Avery, and adjust the angle on the swingset, I’m amazed. Life is moving and my heart might as well move with it.

For Andi and Avery: You are precious daughters of the perfect parent, God, who made you, loves you, knows you, and celebrates you. You are bold and beautiful and built to do hard things. You have our love always, no matter what. We cheer you on as you climb mountains and we will catch you when you need hugged and held. Be all of YOU, all the time. You are blessed, and a blessing.

For 4105 NW 79th Ter: You have held our family and hosted our friends. Thank you.  Please don’t do anything expensive in 2015. We are saving money for cars, who thank you for the garage spaces by the way.

Once again inspired and instructed by the sermon at Jacob’s Well this past week, I am pondering.

In John 20, a mourning Mary meets the resurrected Jesus in the garden. She embraces him; shocked out of her sadness. In her embrace, she grasps towards everything she thought she lost in his death, and wanting the world she knew just the week before, to fall back into place.

From her embrace, Jesus steps away and says, “Don’t cling to me…”

Jesus knew all of reality had shifted and nothing could go back to what was before. Yes, Jesus was alive and with Mary once again, but nothing was the same. Instead of going back to the life she knew with Jesus before, Jesus sent her out on a new mission, with the promise of presence and the hope of a good future, towards which God is calling all creation.

I have often said the “school year” of 2011-2012 was my “golden year”. Eli and Andi were the best of sibling friends, playing together every morning after breakfast. Neither took a nap so we could do fun things at any time of day. My mother-in-law kept them on Mondays, and then they went to a wonderful preschool on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I got to work for uninterrupted blocks of time three days a week. I got pregnant with Oakley and enjoyed doctor’s visits and the journey that culminated in Oakley’s arrival.

As life has felt frantic and full lately, I wondered if perhaps I should try to recreate that year in terms of childcare and commitments. What about that year went so well, I mused, and how could I get back to that kind of a rhythm?!

First day of preschool 2011

Then I heard the sermon on Sunday.

Life does not go in reverse. I cannot cling to the past.

My life is about accepting the past, anticipating the future and engaging the present. The present is the tension between the past and the future.

There is good stuff behind me and hope always ahead.

The resurrection says nothing can be the same; God is making all things new and always has been. Resurrection is assurance of a consummation of what the unfinished and falling apart. Resurrection says God is about reconciliation, restoration, rebirth, life conquering death, healing, hope, and moving creation forward towards a good future in the energy of the Spirit and the love of Christ.

I cannot go back to the golden year. I must seek to sense the step of the Spirit in the reality of my life right now with the hope of the resurrection shoring up any sadness that the past is gone.

We are invited to resurrection hope and joy, peace and healing, in this right-now moment of all we have to do, who we are to be, and with those we are called to love.

Easter is among us.

Our park reception in 2004

I get to officiate at two weddings this year. Part of the process is to meet for conversation, preparation, intentional reflection, and some instruction with each of these couples.

As I put time and energy into what I will share and introduce to the fiancees, I’m analyzing the marriage I live inside myself.

I’m encouraged to know the story Drew and I live is more rich and secure than 10 years ago when we wrote the first chapter. At the same time, reading a book about making a marriage last/avoiding divorce, (Seven Principals for Making Marriage Last by John Gottman) has pointed out some flaws the author says are fatal that we cycle through as a couple. We are not perfect but we are commited to the covenant we made and weathering the changes that come. We practice and repeat the good things we’ve learned and continue to cut off what seeps in to knock us down.

A few things I’m encouraged to remember as I teach others right now.

We are created out of connection to be connected.

God, a reality of relationship, birthed humanity in God’s own image to be male and female as a way to fully reflect God’s creative life energy.

Because we were made out of a relationship (God three persons in one), we are are to exist in relationship.

We were created to connect to God and another, and to co-create.

Anytime we give our self to something bigger than us, we create something to give to the world. Yes children, but also hope, joy, peace-making, something productive for others, something healing for the earth- creation out of, and because of, love. A healthy relationship means people are connected, with trust, intimacy, and no shame. Trust implies and requires connection (making a commitment), proximity (aligning one’s life to another- moving physically and geographically together), and engagement (an ongoing intentional togetherness).

The deepest part of love is knowing  one another.

The Bible talks about sexual love as “knowing”. Gottman says the surest way to equip a marriage for a ride through changes, challenges, or children is to have a foundation of really knowing your spouse- their insignificant preferences (ice cream order) as well as their deepest dreams (musings on what matters most).

If I feel known, I will be free to risk and love back. To let myself be known requires me to be vulnerable, but I’m able to do so because the one I’m opening up to, really wants to know me and loves me because of all he has come to know.

To really love another, I must seek to know all about them, as they are right now, and must pursue continual connection to stay in touch as they grow and change. Good questions, intentional conversations, care and concern…all these host the discoveries.

People who stay married really like each other and exist as friends. 

Gottman’s well-researched conclusion is that people stay married if they enjoy being with each other.

Today is the fourth wedding anniversary of the couple who inaugurated my wedding officiant career. Zach and Christine Osborne gave me the great privilege of marrying them on a windy March evening four years ago. 

When I think of marriages I admire, Zach and Christine’s is one. They know each other really well and truly like each other. They nurture respect for each other, have goals in common and support each other’s individual endeavors.  Each are fun and talented and they give each other lots of ways to play, have fun, and laugh. I respect their teamwork in cooking, hosting great parties, cleaning, and being awesome aunts and uncles. They sit by each other in larger groups- they are interested in being together, with others. Inside jokes, deep love, service outside themselves, and a knowledge of each other and how they work, shore up a young marriage into one I deeply admire and seek to emulate.

Happy Anniversary, Zach and Christine.

Take care of your connection, all married couples.

And, “Hi…I love you” to my husband who I know in every single way and call my favorite friend.

Tis the week of Valentine’s Day. Sports radio spots make me want a dozen roses and the elementary school Valentine’s Day party prep is still on the undone side of my to do list. We’ve sent love letters to Colorado loved ones and will be writing our family love letters soon- Drew and me to each other and one in tandem to each of our 3 kids. Artistically we are challenged, but in loving, we are genuine.

More than roses, or letters, or parties however, I’ve been thinking about love this week with one phrase coming to mind over and over:”Love lets go.”

Best I can figure, from my imperfect practices, my faults and failings, and in my most humble estimation, real love lets go of fear, control, and self. 

1 John 4:7ff equates God as source and substance of love. John gives the definition of God, as love (v8). John writes that love is a verb God does and a noun we’re offered to live inside. The realest love means we can trust the one who loves us. That’s why the section ends with 4:18, “Such love (the trusting-someone-trustworthy kind) has no fear, because perfect love (healthy, harmonious, complete and mature love) expels all fear.”

Love lets go of fear. 

Fear that says, “I’m not worthy of being loved.”

Fear that says, “If I risk loving another so much, I might not be loved back.”

Fear that says, “I cannot offer forgiveness…I have to know I’m right.”

Fear that says, “Will this love last?”

On my wedding day, I wondered how I could love Drew enough as a 23 (almost 24!) year old to last our whole life through. I was afraid for a moment, but secured by the promise of 1 John 4:17-, “And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect.” I could let go of the fear that the future might destruct or depress our love as we set out to grow our marriage up in God.

 Love lets go of control. 

Ever since the Fall, the preacher on Sunday proposed, humans have sought to replace love with power. Then he used a quote from Henri Nouwen that was something close to this, “It is often easier to control people than to love people. Easier to try to be like God, instead of being loved by God.”

Almost as theologically sound, is the poster hanging by my laundry room that’s entitled, “How To Really Love a Child”– I’ve referenced it before as it’s simplicity in my constant repetitious reading, instructs me as I sort and fold. One line purports, “Say YES as often as possible.”

When my kids ask for my permission to build something out of popcorn peanuts, or come down with crazy hair and an out of season shirt, I’m tempted to say “No.”, not “Yes.” My parental power can be easily abused, and at other times is absolutely essential. To say, “Yes” is to yield a little of my control to my three. Love lets things that don’t really matter, (clothes, hair, messes) be matters I don’t control.

In the love I extend as a parent, love lets go.

Love lets go of control so the other person can grow to become who they are.

Love lets go of control so the other doesn’t feel burdened with expectations, or nit-picked ad-nausea.

Control breeds rebellion. Love grants freedom.

As a mom, I want to let go so my kids can grow. Personality-wise, I’m tilted towards control and must climb towards love, no matter what, instead of fixing, and because they are preciously little and much of what happens can be granted a freedom “Yes”, instead of a controlling “No”.

Love lets go of self

Love does not pursue it’s own agenda, its own elevation, or its own interests. Love gives so another can receive.

Emerson’s “Gifts” Essay, from 1844, includes this quote, “But our tokens of compliment and love are for the most part barbarous. Rings and other jewels are not gifts, but apologies for gifts. The only [true] gift is a portion of thyself.”

To really love another is to let go of yourself to be loved.

To be open to receiving love, undeserved, unabashed, and non-circumstantial from the One who is Love, and the sacred others we have in our lives, is the foundation from which we can launch to love another.

To really love is to risk offering and receiving love. It is not only one way, but both.

Happy Valentine’s Day, may you GET and GIVE, GREAT love.

Today is the last day of an even year. I really like even years and this one has been epic like many others. I got a niece, news of an Osborne nephew in May, and another Sustad cousin in June! Expanding family plus celebrating my 10 year anniversary, a Royal’s post season, and moments of magic with my kids?! A year of grandeur indeed.

While there is much to look forward to in 2015, I’m having a hard day letting go…moving on.

I’ve been thinking of ways to shape the new year, rhythms to establish, ways to be, postures to hold, and errors to erase. 

Nothing is set in stone and the hours wane.

On the way to drop Andi off to a playdate today, we talked about what good friends do and say. Taking turns on who gets to choose what to do has been a playdate conundrum this break so I said, “Take turns with your ideas today, if she has an idea of what she wants to do…” and Andi interjected, “We’ll do her idea first and then my idea…”

Take turns with my ideas…make space for the ideas of others. That could be a practice I practice this new year…

And also, what I’ve mused about today…

Lindsey Osborne 2015: MIND and MOUTH. 

MIND: I want to be fully present mentally in one place at a time. I need this on phone calls and with my children most of all.

MOUTH: Yes, putting in clean and health-full food in my mouth, but mostly I mean, saying fewer negative things. I want to speak to encourage, cheer, and bless…and also to say, LESS! Keeping my mouth shut more often than in 2014- that’s a thing I will work towards.

To set them forth in writing intimidates, but grace abounds, filling up the weak me and offering new starts after failed days. Mercies are new every morning and every day is a gift. I have a great life and I want to live it as a gift I receive and can give this next year.

Here’s to looking back and hoping forward.

Happy New Year.

*There are 12 letters in “Happy New Year” so Andi and I made a month-themed sign for our party that starts now! Look close if you can!

.Today I write on a Saturday. Behind me are kids playing with friends and new toys. I’ve been to see a movie…10:10am Wild with Laura and now James and Drew are at a movie themselves. It feels like the second Saturday in 5 days. Christmas on a Thursday has given us a wonderfully long space of family togetherness and a peaceful pace.

This is a Missouri/home Christmas with kids aged 8, 6, and 2 in their primes of present calculation and Advent engagement (Eli), Christmas music DJ and dancer (Andi), and Christmas talking, “Baby Jesus”, “angel” “Santa” and “Lights! Mom look, Lights!”(Oaks). We had great moments at home, church, and with others and now attempt to put a few memories down on “paper” here.

This was a Christmas of….

• Hosting in our new Home. First Christmas in our new house allowed us to host some great evenings. We had 15 kids for a YL Christmas caroling and white elephant exchange night, then our annual ladies Christmas Being party, and a wonderful night with our family friends the Graves, all around one big dining room table.
• An Emphasis on Incarnation. I got to speak at the Gashland Presbyterian Christmas Tea on December 15th. God gave me the message of John 1 along with Luke 2 so I got to share that God’s family spread from heaven to earth and invites us up into the love already there for us. I couldn’t help but see the light and life in John 1 as the central theme of Christmas. Turns out, that’s what God told our church as well! The Christmas Eve service was about being found in God’s translation of Self to humanity for all who seek and want him. The dramatic reading that night was a weave of John 1, Luke 2!!!
• Present anticipation! The wrapped boxes and written Christmas lists made Eli and Andi excited and curious. However, they were patient and grateful when actual opening came around. They opened with great energy, enthusiasm, and the unavoidable consideration of “Hmm…I didn’t ask for this but I will for sure give it a try.” They have enjoyed and played with their new stuff…sharing and creating, building and reading, inviting friends, trying new things, and mixing the new in with their old standbys.
• Christmas Claustrophobia. We invited our good friends the Sollarses into our Winsteads and Plaza light tradition this year on the 23rd. Turns out it was a popular idea. The 10 of us waited in the impossibly small area by the door for over 30 minutes before we were seated in a booth for six. We crowded in with 6 kids and 4 adults and enjoyed conversation and chaos. They were brave and tolerant friends and I cherish the memory and the shin bruises from all the kicks under the table. At the Christmas Eve service the next night, it was kids on laps and crawling on the floor or over  our crowded pew. It all ended with Oaks the 2 year old holding a lit candle in awe. Wouldn’t trade a squish…it was full of Spirit.
• New Niece! Getting to hold June at the Crossfit workout Christmas Eve morning and then kiss her in her fancy dress at church was a special way to celebrate the day.
• Family Tables We celebrated with a great feast and a sweet family on Christmas Day at Gayle and Steve’s. With Quinton and Erica in town, we were 11 for 13 in Osborne attendance which is a great turnout, but not complete…we can’t wait for Adam and MK to come next week! Good food, great people. Time around the dinner table that kept us there for over an hour and kept us fed for the next six! Our own table was our Advent tableau and also held Christmas morning breakfast sandwhichs and the day after Christmas shape pancakes!
• Christmas Creations. On his own volition, Eli made Christmas shapes out of Legos. Andi drew an abstract snowman on a scrap piece of paper that I can’t stop enjoying and Oaks made joy with peals of giggles, joy in playing with the new Little People nativity, and just because he says things like, “Ahhh, soo cute!” when he sees light displays.
• 

So now, Christmas ends but the incarnation remains a life altering reality. ..

John Chrysostom writes,

“for where God wills, the order of nature yields. For he willed, he had the power, he descended, he redeemed; all things move in obedience to God. This day, he who is, is born; and he who is, becomes what he was not….The only begotten One, who is before all ages, who cannot be touched or be percived, who is simple, without body, has now put on my body, which is visible and liable to corruption. for what reason? That coming amongst us he may teach us, an teaching, lead us by the hand to the things that we mortals cannot see. Why is this? Because God is now on earth, and man in heaven; on every side all things commingle. He has come on earth, while being fully in heaven; and while complete in heaven, he is without diminution on earth. Though being the unchanging Word, he became flesh that he might dwell among us.”

Thanks be to God for being here. Amen!

I love the shape of this season. I love creating Christmas around our house (new house this year- yay!), in my shopping lists, on my music players, with my kids, and most important but least urgent- in my heart.

To put Advent- the part of the Christian year that coincides with the American reality of Christmas, into my life, there are certain ingredients required. 

To Make Advent: 

2-10 people        Gather a community of friends, family, or anyone who might drop in for dinner

5 candles            One for each week and one for Christmas Day.

1 Dark Room     This is key. Turn off the lights. Light the candle. Read, talk, and pray with the darkness impinging on the  candle’s light as it gathers strength week by week.

1 reading             A book or guide with scripture. This year we are using Seeking the Christmas Lamb- available here on Kindle   which is great for adults or families with kids.

1 interaction      A question to discuss, a sticker to apply, an ornament to hang, a bead to twist, or a way to play in the reading. Essential for kids                                   AND adults

1 prayer                Letting God know we’re open to hearing, listening, waiting, and being still

Extra ingredients:

• Chaos-   because doing Advent around a family meal, with another Christmas event later that evening, with tired kids, crying newborns, or busy parents, make for anything but peace. Peace coming into chaos is the way God works so the more chaos you endure the closer you are to the heart of the story anyways.
• New readers– This year the Bible gets passed around to one more person- Andi can read as well as Eli! This means extra patience, holding a burning candle close to your small child, and discipline to not interrupt or over-correct. Again- this is getting us closer and closer to a more Christ-like Christmas- extra patience, space for small children to lead us, and a restraint on our desire to control.
• Extra awareness- A daily family advent practice is one part of shaping my soul around Christmas. I also desire to read, pray, and sit in God’s presence intentionally in my own spaces of solitude. With the intelligent, creative and spiritual emphasis on celebrating Advent at my church, and some Advent resources I turn to year after year, (Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas; Orbis Publishing, and Living the Christian Year: Time to Inhabit the Story of God, by Bobby Gross) I attempt to balance the commerce, the Christmas parties, and the chatter of children with the Christ that came to change it all.

Here is one Advent quote from Nouwen on waiting with hope (not control) and a prayer I wrote to go along with it.

“Much of our waiting is filled with wishes… ‘I wish I would have……[I wish this would end]…’. We are full of wishes and our waiting gets entangled in those wishes. For this reason, a lot of our waiting is not open-ended. Our waiting is a way of controlling the future…we want to do the things that will make the desired events take place. Here we can see how wishes tend to be connected with fears.

                But Zechariah, Elizabeth, and Mary were not filled with wishes. They were filled with hope. Hope is something very different. Hope is trusting that something will be fulfilled, but fulfilled according to the promises and not just according to our wishes. Therefore, hope is always open-ended. ..Just imagine what Mary was actually saying in those words, ‘I am the handmaid of the Lord…let what you have said be done to me’ (Luke 1:38). She was saying, ‘I don’t know what this all means, but I trust that good things will happen. She trusted so deeply that her waiting was open to all possibilities. ”[1]

 And so we pray:

with trepidation, with human wishes, with hope, with fear, because we have a hard time waiting,because we long for things to happen, because we want to glorify you, because we want others to see you. 

God, we pray because we know you hear us and we know you have come to us.

Jesus, thank you for coming to us and changing our lives.

Holy Spirit, help us to wait with hope for what God intends to bring to us and to bring us into this season and the next year.

We hope we see you more clearly and live with more light.  Amen.