Boo-Whos

Looking back….

– I missed posting last week because of the overwhelming list of to-dos on my plate that day. Instead of writing, I wandered and wept- sat paralyzed by all there was to do and what little resources I had physically and mentally to do it all. Thanks for the pass last week.

-Update on the “Letter”. I did send the letter to the Coleman family. I have not received anything back- including the letter marked “Undeliverable- Wrong Address- Return to Sender” so I take that as a sign that the message is on its way somewhere. Thanks for the encouragement.

Moving Forward…

I didn’t like feeling like I felt last Monday, boo-hooing about all there was to do in the days that comprised last week. In reality though, I couldn’t shake it. I was exhausted and what I knew to be true in my head, was not affecting my emotional or physical “get er done” abilities.

All I had to do last week were good things. Events, meetings, work, and fun was scheduled. I wanted to do it all, knew it was good, and dreaded it all at the same time. Added all together and coming on the heels of being out of town all weekend however, the load was hefty. So last Monday, I had Oakley, a house filled with remnants of creative play by my kids that leaves little bits of anything, everywhere, an empty fridge and a long list of what was ahead.

I don’t like being stuck, feeling overwhelmed, or wallowing in my own self pity. I’ve complied a list of what I should think, do, pray, or say when I’m in such a defeated state:

To pull myself up out of the “There’s too much!” pit, I often try:

1. Reminding myself “I’m in the 1%”- I don’t have real problems- I have power and privilege.”

2. Remembering “Jesus loves me, is with me, is for me, and goes before me”

3. Being thankful- giving thanks when it’s difficult to be thankful can be very transformative.

4. Going outside

5. Exercising

6. Asking for help.

Last week, I couldn’t think or talk myself out of it (numbers 1-3 did not cut into the paralysis or tears), so I went on down the list. Oakley and I took a hike on the Amity trail. It was a beautiful fall day and being outside and active with my sweet baby brought me up. Then, I asked for help- I called on my community, I laid myself bare. I talked to Drew on the phone, had Michelle come by to help in the moment, and scheduled help from Laura on Wednesday, and the sweet Evans’ girls on Friday. Sanity was seeping in.

By the end of the hike, I sat and made a list of what really mattered and all that I had right then:

• Friends- namely that day- Miss Michelle Graves who came right into my mess and made my powerpoint!
• The world’s best husband
• Smiles from Oakley- full-faced and frequent
• Notes from Andi- handwritten by her tiny hands from her huge heart
• A remark from Eli from the day before to Drew and me. He stopped mid-bike ride and turned to say,  “I’m glad I have you guys”
• My health- recently returned

Writing down the list helped. Then I did what Crossfit coach, Manny, and natural birthing expert, Ina, have taught me to do in the middle of dire straits: force my face to smile. When one smiles, one’s self brightens. I smiled, spirits lifted,and the week happened.

Here’s the photographic proof that I made it through, Jesus was present, our Halloween party is a highlight of our family year, and fall in Missouri is a piece of heaven on earth!