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Pharmaceutical Negotiations

We ended up back at the doctor last Friday when Andi demonstrated extreme out of sorts symptoms. The indicators were obvious: she who takes no naps, took a 4 hour nap, she who runs and flips, sat out the playground time, she who hungers and thirsts for lunch, ate nothing, and she who fusses and whines commonly, was fussing and whining with uncommon frequency and volume. It was Friday afternoon at 4:55pm. The CVS Minute Clinic beckoned us.

The doctor saw a severely infected right ear. Unfortunately, this meant Andi has been battling ear infection problems for almost a month straight. The amoxicillin they gave her on February 15th for a double ear infection had not kicked the infection out of her little head. Friday-Afternoon-Dr.-Guy and I agreed she needed a different set of meds. Regrettably, I had to give her more drugs, but this was only the second, and hopefully would be, the last time of this season. He explained the children’s dosage of a “z-pack” and I took the script to the pharmacy counter.

The pharmacy tech typed dutifully and after a couple keyboard clicks said to me, “The prescription is going to $79, is that okay?” We do not a co-pay with our new insurance and the only deductible we have to meet is $5000. We are responsible for the whole price of these small prescriptions. No, no, this was not really “Okay”.

I asked the techs to please call back to the doctor and see if there was a more affordable option. I told them I didn’t think amoxicillin would help but hoped there would be something in-between $10 and $79 that would help Andi. There were two families in line behind me. Andi was tugging at my leg asking to read the library book we had started in the doctor’s office. I was uncomfortable asking knowledgeable medical employees to change their minds for my financial benefit. However, I know there’s a profitable business in pharmaceutical sales and I am not interested in aiding any manipulative practices. The two pharmacists talked together, and with the doctor on the phone, for almost 5 uncomfortable minutes. Finally, they hung up the phone and re-presented my options.

They had discovered that if they upped the strength of the medicine and then slightly raised the dosage amount, I’d be buying one bottle of the medicine instead of two. “How does $39 sound?” they asked. “Much better, thank you so much,” I responded. Andi, all the more anxious for the book tugged harder at my leg. I made my move to walk away, very grateful that I had  said something to challenge their first offer.

Andi and I barely made it through the library book before they called us to pick up the medicine. The friendly pharmacist at this point said, “Actually, we got it down to $13.50 because we….” At that point, my memory fails me and I regret not being able to give more medical detail. However, in the moment, I was scrambling to scan my card before anything changed!

$79 turned into $13.50. Despite my discomfort with asking for something different than what a doctor prescribed, I swallowed my fear to advocate for my family. As a mostly “self-pay” patient these days, this encounter showed me I am in charge of my health and the care I receive. I have a say and can humbly, respectfully, and kindly challenge the automatic methods of the medical machine. Most importantly, Andi is feeling much better, all for $13.50.

 

Seems A Bit Fishy

A few items have sneakily taken up residence in our home lately. I’ve been stopped in my tracks as I come upon them. “What are you doing here?” I ponder, and then realize they didn’t grow legs and walk into the house- its not them, it’s me.

The surprising intruders:
1.  Salmon (a mildly thick filet- fresh, with the skin still on one side)                                                                                                                                    2. Dog leashes (yes, plural)

These seem a bit out of place because we do not own a dog and because while we eat fish, we don’t order or choose salmon as our fish of choice. I have never cooked salmon at home and despite it’s tremendous and timely popularity with most women, I wasn’t motivated by a Pinterest baked salmon post this week. I was clueless on what to do with it, and how to do it well, but up and bought it anyways after seeing a great deal on organic salmon in the grocery ad.

I went to the store Thursday, with salmon on my otherwise normal list and was still unsure of whether or not I’d make the actual purchase. As I tiptoed past the seafood counter, completely foreign territory for me, I got caught by the store’s fish guy. He was eager to help guide and gloss me through my first salmon purchase. I asked a lot of questions. He asked me to smell it (it was supposed to smell like fresh watermelon) and reminded me of the power of freshness at such a good price. With low expenses in our weekend plans (no plans either Friday or Saturday night) I thought , “What the heck, we will feast on this pink beast at home as a family.” And last night, we did! Drew and I loved it and the kids ate all of theirs without a single gag. I fact, Eli said, “Yum!” after bite 3. They chose BBQ sauce as their dipping sauce but hey- they ate salmon!

I think we will be dog owners some day- Andi and I dream of it at least! Right now, I’m highly involved with 2 dogs, neither of which live in our house. I am a daily dog caretaker. I turn left and head 3 half- houses away to Ellie’s around 1pm  every afternoon. Ellie is a black and white sheepdog- she’s well trained and deliberate. I unlock the kennel and get out of her way. Up the stairs and she’s out the door to pee. She runs right back down to her kennel, I offer a head rub and a treat, and I’m out of there.
From Ellie’s expedited routine I head back across the cul-de-sac to the other half of my house. My duplex neighbor just got a Lab-mix puppy for Christmas. Cooper is all puppy- playful, eager to please, skinny, spastic, and highly distracted. Each day, it takes him til the last minute to remember this is indeed his chance to empty that full puppy bladder! With C0oper- the leashes at my own front door come into play. His owner prefers the expand-o-leashs but I struggle with controlling his energy and not getting tripped up with those models. I borrowed a strict leash from my in-laws that I keep at my house and bring over to walk cooper. He pulls like crazy however, and after a particularly adventurous day when I decided to walk Cooper and my kids round the block- picture Andi almost clothes-lined by his crisscrossing leash antics and Eli way up ahead- staying the heck out of Spaz’s way and riding his scooter in peace- I decided I wanted to try a gentle leader to help Cooper and I be able to cooperate and achieve our mutual goals. So, I borrowed another leash and leader. Now there’s a pile of dog leashes by the front door of my dog-free house.

ALL if this to say, I’m surprised by myself. Part of having salmon and leashes means I’m simply living when and where I am. I’m evolving and growing up as a cook (and I’m bored with baking the same ole stuff) and I’m willing to chat with seafood managers and risk $12 to possibly provide a healthy, flavorful and different meal to my family. I’m invested in my neighborhood and pleased to get paid for a service that serves my neighbors that I can pretty easily provide. New routines are  not rocket science I know. Invitations and opportunities to risk in something new will always enter our lives. This week however, something made me stop and look around. A practice of paying attention is a discipline I pursue.

Perhaps this is the genesis of us becoming salmon eaters. Maybe these leashes are a sign that I’m trying too hard to change someone else’s dog. But it could be a sign that right now I get to take daily walks with a puppy who appreciates our time together outside. We both release pent up energy and breathe fresh air. The leashes remind me I’m sharing life outside the walls of my house- making deeper connections with neighbors. The salmon pushed me to talk to seafood guys, they came out and around the counter to help me. I left the grocery store having been really paid attention to, really helped. Small steps to slow down and grow a little bit. And really, I can’t be that overly invested right?- it’s not like there’s a copy of Cesar Milan’s  book on our coffee table.

It’s sooo punny!

Book Cover photo

I’m about 50 years late to the party so excuse me if this post feels out of date and you already know all that I’m going to say. I hazard to guess however that some of you have missed out on the greatness, as I had, until this past fall.

I have the KC Star to thank for the introduction to, and the journey through, this whimsical, intelligent, hilarious, smart, and moving book, actually written for children. The Star highlighted good reads for the fall on a Sunday in October- an ode to back to school season and the cooler weather. I gravitated towards the juvenile fiction section and bought two they recommended on my Kindle because they were under $5. The first was this book- The Phantom Tollbooth, written by Norton Juster and interestingly illustrated by Jules Feiffer.

The book pushes Milo, a little bored elementary school-aged boy out of his complacency, and over the ever pressing adolescent complaint that “there’s nothing for me to do, nowhere I’d care to go, and hardly anything worth seeing”, and into the wide world of seeing things beyond what they appear to be and appreciating the nuances of words, numbers, places and people.

Juster writes with whit, puns, world plays, and humor- some of which go straight over the heads of most 10-year-olds, but which draw in, delight, and dare adults to think and think differently. I am a sucker for puns, plays on words, and most anything that is corny. (Just last night turning tabata squats at the gym- trainer Manny said, “Watch your bottom”, meaning make sure we got full range of motion- going deep into the bottom of the squat motion, but also meaning, make sure our butt’s (our actual bottom) hit the medicine ball that was marking our motion. I dissolved into giggles. I love this kind of stuff). Juster uses world plays and puns to challenge Milo to think about what he believes to be true about the world. Assumptions and mindlessness are exposed. Stereotypes are used to dig deeper into how the world works and what is good and true about living thoughtfully,with a hunger for continual learning and growth.

My favorite encounters of Milo with characters and places in the book include: (I do so hope to not violate copyrights- please buy the book- it’s sooooo good!!!)

1. Expectations- “the place you must always go to got before you get to where you’re going. Of course, some people never go beyond Expectations…”

2. The “Lethargarians” in “the Doldrums”– ” ‘Everybody thinks,’ said Milo, quite indignantly, ‘We don’t!’, shouted the Lethargarians all at once, ‘And most of the time you don’t…that’s why you’re here. You weren’t thinking, and you weren’t paying attention either. People who don’t pay attention often get stuck in the doldrums’ “.

3. The WatchDog- (yep, he’s the dog on the cover)- ” ‘Just killing time,’ replied Milo apologetically, ‘You see–‘  ‘KILLING TIME!’ roared the dog, ‘It’s bad enough wasting time without killing it.’ “… ” “Since you got here by not thinking, it seems reasonable to expect that, in order to get out, you must start thinking.’ ”

4. On Words- ” ‘I never knew words could be so confusing,’ Milo said to Tock as he bent down to scratch the dog’s ear. ‘Only when you use a lot to say a little,’ answered Tock.” and “ ‘Dig in,’ said the king, poking Milo with his elbow and looking disapprovingly at this plate. ‘I can’t say I think much of your choice.’ ‘I didn’t know I was going to have to eat my words,’ objected Milo. ‘Of course, of course, everyone here does,’ the king grunted. ‘You should have made a tastier speech.'”

5. On Pace- “‘ Many years ago, on this very spot, there was a beautiful city of fine houses and inviting spaces, and no one who lived here was ever in a hurry. The streets were full of wonderful things to see and the people would often stop to look at them.’ ‘Didn’t they have any place to go?’ asked Milo. ‘To be sure,’ continued Alec, ‘But, as you know, the most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what’s in-between, and they took great pleasure in doing just that. Then one day someone discovered that if you walked as fast as possible and looked at nothing but your shoes you would arrive at your destination much more quickly. Soon everyone was doing it. They all rushed..and hurried…seeing nothing of the wonders and the beauties of their city as they went.’ “

And just a few more morsels like…

“Infinity is a dreadfully poor place. They can never manage to make ends meet.”

“My goodness,” said Milo, “everybody is so terribly sensitive about the things they know best.”

“You must never feel badly about making mistakes”, explained Reason quietly, “as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.”

“And it’s much the same with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.”

The book is so good. Today is the 50th anniversary of it’s release and the Star’s article detailed the humble and endearing author’s almost un-chosen calling to write a book that would help children and adults grow up, appreciating what we have right in front of us. I think I’ll read it yearly and can’t wait to read it aloud with my children.

I so hope you also enjoy the phun.

 

 

Recommendations

I sat in on a semester of staff meetings with the excellent staff of Restore Community Church (restorecc.com) in the Spring of 2010. The staff was energetic, genuine, and full of personality. They valued connection, stimulating each others intellect and passion for ministry, and making work fun whenever possible. Each time I was there, the group put themselves through the process of “parking” distractions and a connection exercise before diving into the more stereotypical meeting type work.

I liked it so much, I’ll explain it here and hope it’s useful.

The Parking Lot: The Parking Lot was a rectangular area delineated on the white board and aptly entitled, “Parking Lot”. People would go around the room and share what they needed to “park” that day. The idea was everyone would be bringing in something from their life outside the gathering. To be most present in the moment, to give oneself most fully to the people and ideas in the room, it was necessary to intentionally set aside the most pressing outside pressure. People would park childcare issues, regrets, worries, excitement for something in the future, an obsession with details over something, and a myriad of other things. I was sitting there as an assignment for my seminary senior capstone class so I mostly parked, “school!”

I think parking some things in order to more fully focus on something else is a process I’d like to submit to in marital discourse with Drew, financial conversations of any kind, and my monthly meetings with YL staff.

Recommendations:

My favorite, in Restore’s repertoire of fun ways to connect and share with each other, was the week they shared “Recommendations”. Everyone simply shared something they would recommend to the group. Recommendations were helpful in sharing good ideas and were also insightful to what each person was into at that time.

No one asked, but right now I recommend:

-CrossFit (see crossfitnorthland.com)

-Kale (especially in smoothies). Benefits of Kale include: high amounts of fiber and calcium, and decent amounts of vitamins A, C, B6, and potassium. Kale fights for health against: heart disease, certain cancers, dementia, osteoporosis, and cataracts. Enough said!

-Chocolate chips by the handful as a dessert. (Just balancing out the Kale tirade above)

-Going outside everyday

-Working next to a window

-Trying new recipes

-Giving your kids a blessing when you leave them at school, a friend’s house, when they go to bed…

-Reading books yourself and to kids

-Letting your “Yes be Yes” and your “No be No”- it’s important to honor your word.

-Reading The Hunger Games trilogy

-Taking a whole day off from a computer

-Vacations

-Grapefruit- tis the season which is close to ending

 

Obviously there’s more but those are my recommendations for today. What are yours?

 

 

 

Saturday Night at RiverRoll- CFN goes rollerskating

Crossfit Northland went rollerskating last night. There was the dicey chance Drew and I were going to miss out but we got unstuck from the childcare dilemma and put our skating socks on.

No, the place was not rented out. Yes, the ordinary Saturday night crowd of middle schoolers was in attendance. Sure, a few of the parents dropping their kids off wondered why so many adults in their 20’s and 30’s were lined up so early. Of course Drew and James ran into an Oak Park alum- those people are absolutely everywhere and do a pretty good job of remembering each other! Indeed, there was conversation happening in the line that sounded like: “Well, I know I’ve skated in the last 10 years at least”, “I’m way better on ice skates”, “If only I could wear roller blades instead” “No way, I want the stability of 4 wheels on the ground”. Impressively, some adults at our gym are rock star roller skaters! Andrea set the one lap record at 15 seconds and could only explain her success by saying, “It’s in my childhood blood” (Which raises a great question for everyone- what is in your childhood blood that you should be unlocking in adulthood!?!) Disappointingly,  the DJ would not let us play any games. When Samantha and I skated over to request the Hokie-Pokie, Limbo, and/or the 4 corner dice game- he said he didn’t think he would play them because there were so many adults in attendance. We tried to make him understand, we were the adults and we would have most definitely been down for games. He persisted with the trendy pop dance songs- that must be what adults are into.  Not-so-surprisingly, some people made up their own games with typical Crossfit competitive and athletic components- racing round the rink. By the end of the skate session, everyone was sweaty, most were assessing possible blister rub areas on feet sick of being smashed in skates, and the party was far from over- to Parkville for drinks. Off we go!

 

What the trouble is and Who’s is it anyways?!

Having kids is great. Especially if you like having a mirror held up in front of your face while you live life. The mirror image of what I say and how I act comes out in the words and behaviors of my kids. The images are particularly clear nowadays since Elijah is in the 5 year old super-literal phase and Andi is a vivacious communicator, ever ready to showcase any and all emotions so as to alert all others to the absolute ends of the spectrum of what one might possibly feel during any circumstance, mundane (can’t tear out a piece of paper) to extraordinary (“My ear is not working!”).

I digress a bit.

I like teaching. I myself love learning- taking information and turning new knowledge into transformation best I can. I also love teaching others. When I see my kids taking something we have taught them, deliberately or not, it’s mostly very exciting.

What follows is one example of what our kids have picked up on semantically by being in our family, and one example of a very deliberate lesson we are thrilled to see them implementing in their own lives, all by their little selves.

1. Into the environment of babes…out of the mouth of babes:

I heard Andi spontaneously crying in her room yesterday morning. I let it go for a bit thinking the Barbi would probably be found, the game would be turned back over and righted after a tumble from the closet, or she’d pull hard enough to get the shirt over her pigtails. I finally called from the kitchen, “What’s going on?”. Eli had been in the room with Andi and promptly arrived in the kitchen to report, “She doesn’t know what the trouble is Mom.”

This I recognized right away. When I come upon my kids as they are squabbling or fussing, I often say, “What’s the trouble?” or “What’s your trouble?”  The other question could be, “What’s wrong?” but I usually use “What’s the trouble?”. Yesterday morning, Eli had gone to see about screaming Andi and asked, “What’s the trouble?”. I’m assuming she replied, “I don’t know!” at which point he came to report to me, “She doesn’t know what the trouble is.” We would find out 36 hours later, the trouble was probably an ear infection, tearing apart her tolerance and tormenting her poor little body, but at the time, we dealt best we could even if no one quite knew the name of the trouble.

2. Passing on wisdom, life-lessons and hopefully a bit of Christ-likeness:

During an assignment at Castaway Club in 2010, I met a great family with three kids. I took from them a great bit of parenting wisdom and Christian theology and have tweaked it to be my own. The background is this: 1. Kids have a hard time sharing. 2. To solve a sharing problem, it sometimes helps to know who owns the item or the turn. 3. Sharing is a solid thing to do and should be taught to kids at a young age with relevant pedagogy.

About 2 years ago, Elijah and Andi started all-out sibling scuffs. They began to care about the same stuff and having it at the same time. They share a room and a dresser and a closet and most toys, but trouble began to brew. I entered into a heated discussion, of “It’s my ladder!”, “No it’s my ladder!” one day and dropped the stewardship bomb on my unsuspecting wee ones. I reminded Eli and Andi that we talk about God as the One who created everything and the One who gives us everything we need. They nodded. I then said, “Well that means that God owns everything. Everything in the world is God’s. What we have, we’ve received from God. Everything we have is a gift. It’s our job then, to take care of our stuff or share it”

In short form, it’s like this:

Me:”E and A, who really owns that ladder?”

E or A: “God”

Me: “So what’s your job?”

E or A: “To take care of it and share it”

They caught on pretty quick. Now, it’s put into action far more often by the two of them than by Drew or me. The other day I heard Eli tell Andi to put something in his room. She said, “It’s my room too Eli. Actually, it’s God’s room, and we share it”. Again later, I asked if they wanted to play Andi’s new game, “It’s God’s game Mommy. We take care of it”.

There are sharing struggles almost daily around our house, tranquility and selflessness evade us most days. However, the teaching is sticking somewhere in there and I can only hope they grow up to steward all their gifts with a mentality that what they have is not truly their own, and that they are indebted to take thoughtful care and intentionally share with the people and the world around them, even if, and especially when, it’s uncomfortable. Of course, every time I teach this lesson or hear it happening in the next room, I’m reminding myself of my need to grow, care, and share more faithfully.

Some of the hardest days of my life

July 17th, 2004

December 31st, 2005

August 2nd, 2009

July 24th, 2010

Today

Honeymoon in Jamaica 2004Mexico family trip Christmas 2005San Diego Sibling Trip 2009The crowd of friends and fun at Eli's 4th birthday party at Castaway

These are the dates of just a few of the hardest days of my life. Before anyone starts feeling too much sympathy for me, or your worry needlessly builds, let me explain. If I can find the energy,  if my tears don’t seep through onto the keyboard and short circuit things, and if my general blah-ness will subside, I’ll explain.

For me, some of the hardest days are the days when good things end. When time has passed and taken with it all the hopes, anticipation, and experiences of the last set of days, the collection of moments, the experiences of greatness and the most ordinary. When all that remains is a suitcase of dirty and clean clothes all smashed and mixed together, the smells of  airplane or roadtrip on my hair, hands, and shirt, and all of the real life things I’ve been avoiding. Gone is the excitement of packing for fun events like the out of town wedding, the tropical vacay, or the month on assignment at a Young Life camp. Over are the experiences with family, deep and honest. Finished are the experiences with new friends- fresh, suprising, exciting, and stimulating.  Past are the moments in nature, in beauty, of adventure, relaxation, connection, grace, hope, and joy that comes when you leave home, abandon normal, exit status quo, and enter somewhere else with others that are not usually in your world.

When I leave, I am most alive. When I take a break from my everyday world, I am refreshed. I learn new things about myself and my family whether I am in heated and probing conversations with people who know me best, or if I’m all by myself, in the mountains, in a bedroom with a book, or on a beach. I can see and hear and taste and learn different things while I’m away, but most of all I most always have a lot of fun, experience a ton of joy, and feel as though I’m in the middle of life at it’s fullest.

And then it ends.

So today, I’m back from 6 days of Colorado: family, skiing, sledding, eating, Superbowl partying, grandparent appreciating, eating, relaxing, playing, and snowing. The time was rich and despite the long length of days for a non-holiday trip in the middle of the winter, it was far too short.

So now I’m home and those mixed clothes suitcases sit untouched. It was all I could do to feed my children two meals and make sure they wore socks when we left the house. I completed obligatory work agenda items with the attention they deserved but without my usual zeal. I was grieving. I was living into what I know about myself: that transition days, days when something wonderful ends, are hard days and that just laying on the couch and remembering was probably the best thing I could do with a bit of the afternoon. Anything else and I would have cried.

To be or not be….Competitive

One of the biggest joys of my life in the last year has been joining a Crossfit gym and focusing my workouts around the principals and philosophies of Crossfit methods. My gym is Crossfit Northland (crossfitnorthland.com) and I highly recommend the facilities, trainers, scheduling, and community of our box. Come check it out if you’re in KC!

To attempt to in-script all of the deep and varied reasons I appreciate and enjoy Crossfit seems a daunting task, but I’m feeling bold today. I’ll take the risk and jump in here with a few:

1-Crossfit emphasizes total fitness through whole body movements and functional movements instead of working muscle groups in isolation.

2- One Crossfit tagline is, “Crossfit: the sport of fitness.”  I like this idea- I wasn’t ever that great at other sports (read: I batted 8th on my h.s. softball team and tripped over the last hurdle EVERY time during the 300m hurdle race), but I am passionate about being active and pursuing health and fitness.

3- Crossfit fits almost anyone’s level of fitness with its scalability of intensity and load without program changes.

4- Instead of focusing on one or two aspects of fitness such as strength and speed, Crossfit seeks to optimize physical competence  in ten recognized fitness domains. They are: Cardiovascular and Respiratory endurance, Stamina, Strength, Flexibility, Power, Speed, Coordination, Agility, Balance, and Accuracy.

Reasons 1-4 are widely accepted perks of Crossfit. Most personally for me, I appreciate:

5- Not having to plan, or motivate myself through, a workout. I show up and mobility training, strength work, a relevant warm-up and a kick-in-the-butt WOD awaits me. When it’s planned for me, I push myself harder, work with more intensity, and don’t quit early.

6- I like working out. I have been blessed with a body that can do some of this stuff well and I’m flat out entertained by thrilling activities like burpees, squats, pull-ups, box jumps, handstands, and sweating like crazy. When I work out I am less stressed and more prepared to work and be a mom, wife, neighbor, dog walker, and friend.

7- I’ve seen improvements in my physical strength and body composition. I also in general feel stronger and more confident in my ability to do physical tasks (ie: carry or chase children, lug grocery bags, push a car backwards down a driveway, etc…)

8- When I workout at Crossfit Northland I see friends. I am encouraged and challenged by trainers and others in the class. I get to workout with my husband, sister, 2 brother-in-laws, a sister-in-law and lots of new and old friends.

9- And I guess I’m writing today to admit that there’s competition mixed in with all of this and I might actually be competitive.

Is this okay this competitive spirit?  Competition is rooted in comparison and comparing ourselves to others is not something I usually endorse. Should I be motivated to work harder because someone else is going against my time and might be putting up more weight…or because I want to be stronger, healthier, more fit for my long term health? If I complete the WOD faster or with more rounds than someone else, does that mean I have achieved anything- that I’m better than them that day or should feel better about myself? What’s the line between competition and vanity? Does anyone win at Crossfit? Does winning matter?

I’d like to think that I don’t really care about winning, that I’m not fiercly competitive. I could in fact give you a list of competitive people in my life (remote throwing, dice sweeping, TV finger-pointing, crying- after-games people) and describe to you how I’m totally different.  How I just like playing the game and don’t really care if I win.

However, when I come home from Crossfit with the fastest time that day, I’m happy/proud. I do check the whiteboard to see what other girls, and Drew,  have done with the WOD that day to benchmark myself and have a goal.

I think competition is good when it does serve the purpose of setting a target for my aiming efforts that day. When I need context for a goal and something for which to work harder, faster, and with more strength. Competition, when I use it for myself, not antagonistically against others, can be beneficial. Like I said earlier, when I work out alone, I don’t pick up heavy weights, don’t run as fast or far, and don’t ever attempt overhead squats. With Karen next to me during the push-up test however, I didn’t want to stop because she hadn’t and I wanted to keep pace or push myself farther. I was happy to have done more push-ups but not because I beat Karen. Instead, Karen helped me to beat myself. I exerted extra effort and more “umph” because she was doing the same right next to me.

I think it’s been good for me to admit I’m competitive in some areas of my life. I think most of my competitive urges come from within my own desire to achieve to the best of my ability and I’m thankful for a gym where others are helping me see how I can run harder, squat deeper, push-up more powerfully, and live with more health. I also hope I am a humble competitor that looks outside myself to help others compete to achieve the best of their ability. To give others something to aim for without arrogance and with no ill consequences, but props and support, if the target escapes us that day, is for me, a healthy dose of competition.

See you at the finish line…may the fastest person that day win- and then turn around to cheer everyone else on to the end.

 

 

 

Talk of God

Yesterday my son was sick. Technically he was sick through the night before and will be on meds for the next five days kicking this bug (a nasty ear infection), but it was yesterday that his sickness changed our day. Instead of having the day to myself for work and working out, a Monday ritual thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law who hosts “GG days” of play, care, adventure, food, and fun on Mondays for Eli and Andi, I headed with both kids to the doctor’s office and hunkered down for a day of nursing.

I admire nurses to no end. I am not a nurse in the least. Once in college I thought about changing my major to nursing, mentioned this to my ever-supportive, but honest mother, and heard, “Don’t think so…absolutely not…you cannot…you don’t care about taking care of people, Linds” on the other end of the phone. Sounds harsh but its mostly true. I don’t have a nurturing, care-taking spirit- I lack gifts of healing and the compassion of people who willingly and skillfully enter into the pain and sickness of others. I’m okay with being different and enjoy my non-nursing vocation. I have however been attempting to become empathetic- to acknowledge and experience the experience of another without inserting my own story. Despite my empathy efforts, my nursing skills have only slightly increased with the vocation of motherhood. In short, I do take loving and mostly patient care of my family when they are sick, but on the inside I’m struggling as none of it comes naturally.

Alas- I was highly motivated to get my son taken care of yesterday morning. His pain was intense and despite battling bravely and being tough, he needed compassion and help. We saw the doctor, got the medicine and headed home.  Andi, our 3 year old daughter, has been sick more often, more recently, and was almost immediately envious of Eli’s extra attention and especially the meds. Despite her jealousy, she prayed at lunch and this is what she prayed:

“God, thank you for our food, and for Eli to go to the doctor and get medicine, and thank you for suckers, and everything in the whole world. Amen”

Yep, she didn’t get an anti-biotic but she did get a sucker. Gratitude, honesty, and sympathy for her brother- a good prayer indeed.

Eli perked up  after lunch and a movie- so far, my nursing skills are making the day smooth and helping my sick kiddo and I’m not feeling hardly any intern turmoil. Eli went to put on his sweatbands and shorts for some indoor dunk practice. He took two leaps from the coffee table to the ottoman and leaped while dunking the ball (a usual route) and landed two times exclaiming, “Oh God!”. I was right there and after hearing it the second time, I ended the ball game and led him to his room for a chat.

We don’t use “God” as an exclaimation in our family. I hadn’t heard him say it before and wanted to address it. We do indeed say “Oh my Gosh” and “Goodness gracious” etc.. etc.. just FYI.

We haven’t had many talks about language yet with our kids and I didn’t put a lot of fore thought into this moment with Eli. I explained that God is not just a word we use like “Wow!”, “Bummer”, “Eeek”, “Hey!”, “Yay”, etc…  I said, “God is God. Bigger than any words and the creator of all our words, all our love, all our fun, our bodies, our world, everything”- Eli knows all this. I repeated that “God is not a word, God is God” and that we say God when we want to talk to God or about God. He got it and moved on mostly.

As my solo nursing duties were nearing their end and Drew’s arrival at home was a mere 45 mins away, Eli began to feel the crappiness of it all again. He whined and fussed about almost everything. Andi was whining as well, still wanting medicine or at least more attention, and my nursing energy reserve was empty. The TV went back on until the daddy got home and making dinner became a consuming project. The kitchen, more than the sickbed, is really more of my mom-thing.

 

Continuing Education

This is by no means meant to be presumptuous, but I would like to propose a discipline for all adults everywhere, to stay in school(s). The mandatory regimen of learning during the first 18 years of our lives stops suddenly with a high school graduation ceremony. After that euphoric event, it becomes completely voluntary as to whether or not we continually study, learn new things, or refresh our knowledge of things we’ve been doing for years. I’m not talking about pronounced steps such as changing careers and going back to school, or finishing a degree started a lifetime ago in a different state- geographic, mental, emotional etc.. I applaud those efforts and celebrate with my friends and family pursuing education in these ways. (I’ll pause here to name a few, I’d like to give props to James for his recent Masters from the MU School of Special Education with an emphasis in teaching gifted kids, to Samantha for going back to school for a second and very different bachelors degree while also working (and working out) and raising two wonderful daughters, and to Drew for pursuing a second career, and certifications within that career which require hours of book study and life experience in the field,- he’ll be a Certified Financial Planner soon!)

No, this quite random post is really about all of us. Regular ‘ole adults who go through most days preforming normal tasks thoughtlessly. Not because we mean to ignore or numb our way through, but because we do a lot of things that we’re so used to doing that we don’t pay much attention to becoming any more effective or excellent at it.

Case in point: Driving a regular automobile (nope, not getting your motorcycle license or CDL).

Nobody likes being told how to drive. We especially resist the sometimes helpful, but always unsolicited, advice from backseat drivers. However, as I drive across the highways and side streets of Kansas City, I’m motivated to suggest we adult drivers should go back to driving school.

How about an every 5-10year requirement that as you renew your driver’s license, you must also complete a, dynamic and highly technically innovative of course- online driver’s ed review course? The possibilities are endless really. The tests could be state specific introducing newly built roads, changed speed limits, or the introduction of guidelines around the use of mobile devices.  Most of all, the tests remind us of simple safety tips and proper etiquette which make all the roads safer and more enjoyable places to drive. (I think part of my impetus for taking issue with this has to do with my work-from-home/stay-at-home mom vocational status- if you’ve never driven in the middle of the day, you might not feel as passionately. These daytime drivers are their own little cup of tea- rather, quart of oil). Such a test could have saved me from at least one ticket I received, quite unjustly, in the spring of 2008, for aggressive driving in the form of passing someone on the right. Grr…the memory continues to haunt me.

Since I don’t know to whom to write my letter quite yet- I’ll start off with a refresher course of my own, for anyone interested, right here.

Tips, Laws, and Skills Review for Operating a Motor Vehicle: 

1. The left lane of a highway is exclusively for the use of passing other cars. Any long term highway driving should be done in the center or right lanes. Do not drive the speed limit or slower in the left lane ever.

2. This one helps us avoid cutting people off: To merge after passing a car, make sure you can see both of the car’s headlights in your rear view mirror, and then turn on your signal and ease into their lane. (This is a tip from my husband, via his dad, which I feel is sooo helpful)

3. If you take more than half of your car over a solid white line, ie: drive on the shoulder, this is wrong. (The cop who pulled me over in Parkville labeled it aggressive, even at my clocked speed of 3 mph!)

4. Changing lanes while in the middle of an intersection is not okay.

5. When turning in a multiple turning lane situation, stay in your lane. Do not meander into the outer lanes with steering wheel laziness. (This one is motivated by the lovely Barry Rd. Zona Rosa exit- a scary 3 turn lane doozie of a light!)

6. Vehicles must stop for crosswalks and stoplines. If pedestrians have started to cross, all vehicles must come to a stop. This seems obvious but is often lost on roads with crossing lines but no light actually stopping the cars. (We encounter this often on our walk to the library)

7. Right of Way. At a multiple way stop sign, the right-away goes as follows: The first vehicle at the intersection goes first. Then cars take turns yielding to the car on their right. (Did I say this correctly?- see, I need the schooling!)

8. A car turning left always yields to a car going straight. You can pass a car on the right only if it is turning left and there is ample road space without using the shoulder etc..

9. Turn on your lights when weather is foggy, rainy, snowy, or if it’s dark.

10. If another car is starting to pass you, do not increase your speed. Stay with the flow of traffic speed-wise whenever possible.

Enough unsolicited advice out of me. If you live in Missouri, the driver’s education manual can be downloaded here. The good stuff starts on page 28.

Drive safe and pleasantly out there everyone.