A Prescription for Inscription

Elijah came home from school excited about a coupon book today. It is his fourth fundraiser in the five weeks that make up the entirety of his school career! This seems an exhausting pace but we hope it has something to do with how new his school is and the need to raise funds to finish the playground…among other scholastic necessities!

Elijah was excited about the book because he had located a Legoland coupon inside. Andi and Eli went to KC’s new Legoland attraction less than a month ago with GG and he is hoping this coupon is his ticket to round two! Moments later, while snacking, Eli remarked that “Everyone loves Legoland right Mom?” I said, “Do you think so?” and he replied, “Yes! It’s so fun because Lego’s are so fun and everyone loves Legos!” I was baited. My adult literal-linguistic-sensitivity-meter went off. I proceeded to take 5 minutes of Elijah’s childlike wonder and optimism and drag him back into reality. Nope, didn’t let this conversation get away with a “Sure buddy” platitude. Was it the right move? Maybe not.

I went ahead and asked Eli about a couple of our friends and whether they liked Legos- I mentioned two 3 year old girls. He thoughtfully reasoned, “No, they might not like Legos now cuz they are so little but when they are older, like 5, they would love Legos for sure.” Perhaps they will, but I poured a few more dry Honey Nut Cheerios in his bowl and plowed into an explanation about opinion. I said  “loving or liking” was something everyone has a choice about. Everyone can have their own choice, their own opinion, and most of the time, people like different things. It’s okay if someone actually does not like Legos.

I steered the conversation round a bend and said maybe we could think of something that everybody “has”.  (If he would have answered “An opinion” I would have handed him a trophy!) He thought for a moment and said, “Everybody has a house!” but then we thought about people who live in apartments, motor homes, and homeless people. We talked through a few more great ideas but they all had loop holes, exceptions. Finally we settled on breath. Everyone breathes we think. Eli was done with the Cheerios and went to regain a bit of his childhood by, you guessed it, playing Legos! and eventually going outside.

Absolutes got a lot of play around my house when I was growing up.  Emphatically declared but rarely meant to be taken as actual, factual realities were such statements as:

–Everyone has that new thing so can’t we have one too?

-I always do my chores and deserve a break!

-We never get to stay up late, sleep in late, eat donuts during the weekdays, watch enough TV etc…

-This will ruin everything!

I don’t think my family sounded unlike many others. We were expressive, passionate, emotive and vocal. Our language led us to deep relationships, honesty, fights, and closeness. It wasn’t perfect but it worked for us as a family.

In my marriage, my adult family, absolutes are relationship strains and conflict escalators. The defenses go up powerfully when Drew and I use absolutes to label behavior or point to character flaws in each other. I see the damage they cause and have tried to use more careful and deliberate language. However, we both acknowledge that in the moment, the issues are often bigger than the language that is being used to convey them. We offer each other semantic grace and linguist space and seek to be called back to center.

I think I wanted Eli to be aware of absolutes in language today because I want him to realize that people will be different than him in what they: like, do, enjoy, look like, and play. I want him to form strong opinions and be proud of them even if they are challenged. I  also want Eli to be okay with sometimes, some people,  and maybe.

I myself  want to be okay with sometimes, maybe, and I don’t know.  Yes, there is something to the country song, “You’ve got to stand for something or you’ll fall for anything. ” I do believe there are certain moral absolutes and fundamental truths at work in the world, but I don’t think there are as many as I once assumed. I know I’m not comfortable declaring the universality of an absolute for others. There is black and white, left and right, and right and wrong, but there is also grey, the middle, and right for you/me. Everyone has opinions but opinions are not equal to facts.

I almost lost two deep friendships in the Spring of 2008. Both relationships were shaken when I challenged my friends on something and held strongly to what I believed was right, sometimes drowning out their answers back. The healing took over two years. I realized I had held more tightly to the rule than the relationship and pursued power in the form of expressing my opinion instead of pursuing the person and the uniqueness of their situation.

I don’t want to be defined by what I do in a moment or who I am in a season. I want the flexibility, grace, and space to change, grow, and mature. On the other hand, I want some things to define me, habits to shape me, and discipline to keep me grounded. I want to grow to accept the differences between people. I know this will cost me comfort. I want to encounter and appreciate what is different than my experience. I also want to fight to uphold what I truly believe really is for everyone: love, appreciation, inclusion, justice, care, and grace to name a few.

Perhaps Eli is closer than me in this daunting task of personal growth and appreciation of the other. He wasn’t trying to change anyone today, he merely wanted to include everyone in joy. He saw way past the economics of the coupon book and simply saw an invitation, a Legoland adventure for all!

(Postscript: This is the second version of this post in 2.5 hours. My first draft was erased when the internet connection failed just as I went to post it live! After over an hour of writing and editing, it was a crushing blow. Drew came home and upon hearing of the flop, sympathetically said, “Babe, this NEVER happens to ANYONE else…ONLY, ALWAYS to you!”. He encouraged me to write again. See, sometimes, absolutes, while not literally accurate, are very comforting!)

I’m a very lucky woman to have 2 moms and 2 grandmas- all alive to celebrate and be celebrated on this 2012 Mother’s Day. This blog is for you Mom, Gayle, Grammy, and Grandma. I love you and here is a very brief, eclectic, and spontaneous explanation of why!

Mom, April:

• You were overjoyed that I was born
• You would rather play and pay attention to us as kids than do anything else: work, housework, or hang out with your friends- but still managed to keep a healthy balance as a working adult with good friends and a hospitable house!
• You pack a great cooler and made camping trips full of good food- biscuits and gravy, spaghetti, cookies for dessert etc, etc..
• You were the last one out the door on the way to church- we would all sit in the car and wait while you curled your hair- unfortunately it took me 17 years to realize it was because you had worked hard to feed everyone else and get our hair curled and left yourself for last.
• You make signs to welcome us home or to celebrate our weddings or graduations
• You allowed us to choose our own friends and gave us the foundation of morals and confidence to make decisions in navigating the trenches of adolescent social life
• You cooked dinner 6 nights a week even when we complained it was “Roast again?!” or “We don’t like these potatoes” and always made homemade cookies.
• You came to Kansas City and helped me in the tender first hours and exhausting and life shaking first weeks of both of my kids’ lives
• You listen to me and love and support me no matter what

My mother-in-law, Gayle:

• You welcomed me into your family when I was a stranger
• You keep track of everything and have supplied me or my kids with a graduation cap and gown, a sombrero, a Space Jam CD, a flashlight and much more when we needed it. 
• You are patient and positive
• You have always given your kids a united and friendship filled relationship with your husband- providing the security and stable love in which your boys grew up
• You show up to cheer your kids on- even me at my  half-marathons and seminary graduation and still now your grown boys’ coaching jobs and adult tennis leagues
• You love fly-overs, dark chocolate with caramel, cotton candy, and the circus and make adventures happen for my kids weekly
• You’ve allowed me to go to school and work by providing a safe, fun, and generous tradition of Monday GG Days
• You took Drew out on a Valentine’s Day date in college when I was crushing on him and completely scared me into thinking he had a girlfriend already- instead I found out he had a loving mom who would invite me on the Valentine’s Day lunch date a year later!

My Grammy, Dee:

• You introduced me to ramekins- the small dishes that make applesauce, cooking prep, and butter table presentation pure bliss
• You have a positive attitude, a curious spirit, and a desire to truly learn about people that made many of my friends feel special when they met you
• You cheered me on and showed up to all three of my long graduation ceremonies!!
• You have a great sense of style, are a very classy and beautiful woman
• You made family gatherings beautiful with your attention to table presentations, homegrown flower arrangements, and centerpieces- you hosted special brunches and gatherings all through my life.
• Despite the antiques, breakables, and beautiful things in your neat home- we 9 grand-children have always been free to play, explore, and manipulate the knick-knacks- and along the way, we’ve somehow learned to respect and take care with beautiful things!
• You are strong and will not be slowed down- we have fun playing tennis, cards, croquet or farkle with you still today despite tough heart and lung struggles and your 80 plus years of age!
• You love my mom well

My Grandma, Marion:

• For the special memory I have of my solo airplane ride to visit you and Gpa in San Jose when I was 6 years old. For our time at the mall together shopping for Swatch watches and my California Raisin diary and for the kind way you tried to help me fix my hair which was difficult for a mom of 2 buzz-cut boys.
• For the traditions you introduced and carefully upheld for our family- Swedish Christmas meals, Swedish decorations and prayers, having a guest book, the importance of family reunions, and reading the Bible story aloud before we open presents
• You took my Dad camping which led to his taking me camping which has led to me taking my family camping and lots of wonderful memories from every trip. You bravely took 3 and 4 grandkids on camping trips in your late 60’s and survived our bringing 100’s of moths into  your clean camper with grace!
• You played with us (Rummikub and hide the red truck) and have always been ready to have toys ready for my kids at your house
• You pray for me and write back to my prayer e-mails supporting my calling to ministry and reminding me that I’m blessed to be a blessing
• You have demonstrated faith, trust and strength in the last 10 years that show me how great and trustworthy God is

What a fun way to think of you and how much my mothering is inspired and influenced by the mothering and grandmothering you have given to me! Love you all!

Today the weather outside is my favorite. Crisp, cool, sunny, no wind- a 55 degree morning that will evolve smoothly and generously into a humidity-free 72 degree afternoon. Ahhhhh. Missouri- sometimes you really do yourself proud.

Also- bountiful beauty is in full bloom in my front yard. These are “knockout roses” (I’m pretty sure that’s their name in common people plant vernacular) and they generate all of that beauty on their very own. No watering, no new soil, in spite of the van almost running them over on the days I back out too crookedly and quickly, and without thought, care or attention on my part. The plants I so carefully tend to and procure with money, time, and attention are the wee ones barely poking their green/bud-less heads above the pot in the back of the photo. The roses are a gift- a spring blessing that come just because, and make me grateful every day just to be here, now.

Today I’m heading to a good friend’s house to help her manage the weeds that so enjoy complete take- overs of her enormous flower beds. She lives on multiple acres of land and has oodles to do in the ways of tending, mowing, weeding, planting, wild animal impeding, and swimming pool maintenance. She is generous enough to let me work for her at my convenience to help with miscellaneous yard work. It’s too beautiful of a day today not to go pull weeds for a friend. Said friend also lets my kids and I frolic about in her backyard pool all summer- weed combat is the least I can do for her.

The day continues to get better and its only 10am! Drew just texted me to let me know he renewed the license plates for our van ONLINE. Instead of having to drive to the DMV and wait in unpleasant lines, he took care of it at his desk in 2 minutes. All for a $1 on-line processing fee. Hopefully this news helps you win your next DMV encounter.

Another gas saving, van mileage reducing win came as my good friend Carol called to say she’d take the kids to preschool today- saving me 50 minutes round trip. They were excited for the change of pace and I was grateful. We sat by the roses as we waited for the blue-VW bug-blessing to arrive- again, Ahhhhhhh.

Only one thing remains- termites! They continue to swarm inside our basement. Please termite guy, call me back today with good news that you’ll come treat one more powerfully fatal time! Otherwise, I guess I’ll just spend more time outside, with the roses and the sunshine and get over it.

Yesterday was the first day of Spring. March 20th, 2012. Words to describe the day that transitioned us formally from winter’s slumber to springs enlivening growth in Kansas City, include: balmy, wet, and seasonal. The temps were in the low 60’s and rain fell in consistent but not drowning drops all day. Despite the rain, the kids and I had three grocery store errands to accomplish. This is their preschool Spring Break week so they came along on my usually solo trek through town.

After running through rain and puddles in and out of stores, we were home again with lots to unload. Increasingly more helpful, they each took a load of food into the house. When Andi came back out, I was still unloading the van. Studying the soaked driveway, she looked up at me and exclaimed, “Worms! Mom, worms. Lots of worms!”

Back story: When Andi was almost 2, in the Spring of 2010, Eli was at school and I felt led to give Andi her first “creation care” lesson. There were worms all over our driveway, flushed out from an early morning rain, that were quickly drying up as the sun came out. I’m not usually a worm fan, I’m actually squeamish, dislike rainy morning runs that turn into worm hopping exercises, and avoid fishing with anything live on the end of a hook. That day however, something in me couldn’t let the worms die on my driveway. I looked around and saw most of the worms had congregated on my driveway, my neighbors were worm free. Seemed like this was indeed our specific divine task in a lowly circumstance.

Important to know about Andi is that she has always had a heart for animals; they delight her. She giggles when she plays with dogs, she chases birds freely and without discouragement, and stops to stare at bugs. She’s a non-discriminating animal appreciator. It was easy on that April day in 2010 to sell Andi on our task: “We need to rescue the worms. They need to get back to the dirt before they dry out. Will you help me carry them to the grass?” I went inside to get gloves and when I had come back out, Andi was already rescuing worm #1. I squirmed my way through and picked them up in a gloved hand while Andi industriously and barehandedly rescued worm after worm.

We haven’t kept up too consistently on this task so I was surprised and delighted when she yelled out yesterday when spotting the worms. She remembered they needed a rescue ride to the dirt but was hesitating yesterday about the sliminess.  Now she’s almost 4 and into princesses and ballerinas as well as animals. She asked for gloves and this time I got brave instead of getting gloves. I picked up the first worm and flung it into the grass. “See…they don’t even really feel like anything in your hand.” And this was true! We went on to pick up and fling the 6 worms on our driveway back to their homes deep in the grass. We really were flinging them, hope they didn’t mind the exciting ride!

After we flung the last worm, I realized the side and back doors of the van were still open from the unloading process. I went to shut the side down and was shocked to see a BIRD! frantically flying around the inside of the van! I screamed. It flapped and banged into the windows a couple of times before finding its way out the back hatch. At my scream, Andi had come running to the van so she saw the bird’s desperate flight from the van. She was surprised but mostly completely enjoying the silliness of my scream and the excitement of a creature of nature visiting her car seat!

The rest of the day was more subdued, but by 1pm yesterday, Spring had definitely awakened us and we are ready to participate as we can in the life generating processes of this season.

A Castaway Sunset

I was privileged to be at Young Life’s Castaway Club last week. I flew up there for Assigned Team Training, a period of preparation, team introductions, planning, and sharing amongst the 17 or so people I will be serving alongside this July 1-21st. I will be on the Assigned Team as a Summer Staff Coordinator, a shepherding/pastoral type of role, with my good friend and mentor Ray, as the male SS Coordinator. To work with closely with Ray will be an amazing opportunity as he has been on the YL staff for decades, has a DMin and wisdom, experience, integrity, and the spirit of encouragement that blesses and teaches me each time I get around him.  Together, Ray and I will get to foster community, discipleship and service for 40 college-aged students who come to serve as boat drivers, cooks, landscapers, retail associates, climbing wall/zip-line belay-ers, and lifeguards. Last year when I served in this role, I felt the most close to who I was created to be- my abilities and passions so connected with God’s work in the lives of the college students I was so fortunate to serve and serve alongside. Last July was truly a gift.

This July will be the fourth July in a row that the Osborne family has been at Castaway for an assignment. As I sat in meetings last week, I was overcome with gratitude. I am a different person because of the months we’ve spent on YL assignments at Castaway. My family is different as well. Living in community, working day and night, laughing and thinking hard, making new and deep relationships, gleaning wisdom from parenting cohorts and those farther along on the journey, seeing beauty in sunsets, green grass, and lake reflections, my children receiving so much love and caring attention, my children (and hopefully me) giving love and attention to others, Drew being able to work at his YL best…all of these have so formed and shaped me that I could not be who I am without that sacred setting, those people.

When the 2012 team was asked to think about the mark we wanted to make as a team this summer, the impact we would have while we served, and the memories people would have of us after we left, the list of character traits, personalities, attitudes, and postures we wanted to embody was daunting in its breadth but inspiring in its invitation for transformation and service.

The people we want to be, the team we intend to become, will come to be because of the grace of God, extended towards us in Christ and shared with each other in fellowship and community.We talked about intentionality and deliberate focus on submitting ourselves to this calling. Indeed, we will not become who we want to be without turning into Jesus’ Spirit and letting Christ lead our leading.

Our list is below- as a reminder to me and an encouragement to all of us. Let us become people who so look and act like Jesus that the world is different- more loving, more at peace, holding more firmly to hope- because of our being present in a given place, at a certain time.

The 2012 Castaway Session 2 Assigned Team will intentionally seek to be people who (are):

-faithful

-hospitable

-imaginative

-transformative

-peaceful- motivated not by fear or anxiousness

-Christ-centered

-Joyful

-Servants

-Say “Yes-we-can/will”

-Loving

-Have humility

-Are searchlights for those unseen

-Prayerful

-Mindful of the other (focused selflessly outside of ourselves)

-Invisible so that they see Jesus instead of us

-Excellent in order to remove distractions from kids hearing about Jesus

-Generous and extravagant

-Fueled by God

-Laugh

-Redemptive- may the month be a redemptive time and place for people

-Acting as a family that is open to everyone/all

-Say “Yes, you are ok, loved, invited, Yes you belong”

-Sacrificial

We hope to be standard bearers for these as we lead the college students and high school students who will be serving with us for the month. Most of all, we hope to be so transformed into these marks that the ministry of the Gospel goes out daily, uninhibited and fresh. I anticipate Jesus pruning and preparing we as I’m way off the mark of being one who embodies most of these things. I await the transformation and promise to focus in on the hard work and attention required in the months leading up the divine moments in Detroit Lakes, Minnesota.

Amen!

Book Cover photo

I’m about 50 years late to the party so excuse me if this post feels out of date and you already know all that I’m going to say. I hazard to guess however that some of you have missed out on the greatness, as I had, until this past fall.

I have the KC Star to thank for the introduction to, and the journey through, this whimsical, intelligent, hilarious, smart, and moving book, actually written for children. The Star highlighted good reads for the fall on a Sunday in October- an ode to back to school season and the cooler weather. I gravitated towards the juvenile fiction section and bought two they recommended on my Kindle because they were under $5. The first was this book- The Phantom Tollbooth, written by Norton Juster and interestingly illustrated by Jules Feiffer.

The book pushes Milo, a little bored elementary school-aged boy out of his complacency, and over the ever pressing adolescent complaint that “there’s nothing for me to do, nowhere I’d care to go, and hardly anything worth seeing”, and into the wide world of seeing things beyond what they appear to be and appreciating the nuances of words, numbers, places and people.

Juster writes with whit, puns, world plays, and humor- some of which go straight over the heads of most 10-year-olds, but which draw in, delight, and dare adults to think and think differently. I am a sucker for puns, plays on words, and most anything that is corny. (Just last night turning tabata squats at the gym- trainer Manny said, “Watch your bottom”, meaning make sure we got full range of motion- going deep into the bottom of the squat motion, but also meaning, make sure our butt’s (our actual bottom) hit the medicine ball that was marking our motion. I dissolved into giggles. I love this kind of stuff). Juster uses world plays and puns to challenge Milo to think about what he believes to be true about the world. Assumptions and mindlessness are exposed. Stereotypes are used to dig deeper into how the world works and what is good and true about living thoughtfully,with a hunger for continual learning and growth.

My favorite encounters of Milo with characters and places in the book include: (I do so hope to not violate copyrights- please buy the book- it’s sooooo good!!!)

1. Expectations- “the place you must always go to got before you get to where you’re going. Of course, some people never go beyond Expectations…”

2. The “Lethargarians” in “the Doldrums”– ” ‘Everybody thinks,’ said Milo, quite indignantly, ‘We don’t!’, shouted the Lethargarians all at once, ‘And most of the time you don’t…that’s why you’re here. You weren’t thinking, and you weren’t paying attention either. People who don’t pay attention often get stuck in the doldrums’ “.

3. The WatchDog- (yep, he’s the dog on the cover)- ” ‘Just killing time,’ replied Milo apologetically, ‘You see–‘  ‘KILLING TIME!’ roared the dog, ‘It’s bad enough wasting time without killing it.’ “… ” “Since you got here by not thinking, it seems reasonable to expect that, in order to get out, you must start thinking.’ ”

4. On Words- ” ‘I never knew words could be so confusing,’ Milo said to Tock as he bent down to scratch the dog’s ear. ‘Only when you use a lot to say a little,’ answered Tock.” and “ ‘Dig in,’ said the king, poking Milo with his elbow and looking disapprovingly at this plate. ‘I can’t say I think much of your choice.’ ‘I didn’t know I was going to have to eat my words,’ objected Milo. ‘Of course, of course, everyone here does,’ the king grunted. ‘You should have made a tastier speech.'”

5. On Pace- “‘ Many years ago, on this very spot, there was a beautiful city of fine houses and inviting spaces, and no one who lived here was ever in a hurry. The streets were full of wonderful things to see and the people would often stop to look at them.’ ‘Didn’t they have any place to go?’ asked Milo. ‘To be sure,’ continued Alec, ‘But, as you know, the most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what’s in-between, and they took great pleasure in doing just that. Then one day someone discovered that if you walked as fast as possible and looked at nothing but your shoes you would arrive at your destination much more quickly. Soon everyone was doing it. They all rushed..and hurried…seeing nothing of the wonders and the beauties of their city as they went.’ “

And just a few more morsels like…

“Infinity is a dreadfully poor place. They can never manage to make ends meet.”

“My goodness,” said Milo, “everybody is so terribly sensitive about the things they know best.”

“You must never feel badly about making mistakes”, explained Reason quietly, “as long as you take the trouble to learn from them. For you often learn more by being wrong for the right reasons than you do by being right for the wrong reasons.”

“And it’s much the same with knowledge, for whenever you learn something new, the whole world becomes that much richer.”

The book is so good. Today is the 50th anniversary of it’s release and the Star’s article detailed the humble and endearing author’s almost un-chosen calling to write a book that would help children and adults grow up, appreciating what we have right in front of us. I think I’ll read it yearly and can’t wait to read it aloud with my children.

I so hope you also enjoy the phun.

Crossfit Northland went rollerskating last night. There was the dicey chance Drew and I were going to miss out but we got unstuck from the childcare dilemma and put our skating socks on.

No, the place was not rented out. Yes, the ordinary Saturday night crowd of middle schoolers was in attendance. Sure, a few of the parents dropping their kids off wondered why so many adults in their 20’s and 30’s were lined up so early. Of course Drew and James ran into an Oak Park alum- those people are absolutely everywhere and do a pretty good job of remembering each other! Indeed, there was conversation happening in the line that sounded like: “Well, I know I’ve skated in the last 10 years at least”, “I’m way better on ice skates”, “If only I could wear roller blades instead” “No way, I want the stability of 4 wheels on the ground”. Impressively, some adults at our gym are rock star roller skaters! Andrea set the one lap record at 15 seconds and could only explain her success by saying, “It’s in my childhood blood” (Which raises a great question for everyone- what is in your childhood blood that you should be unlocking in adulthood!?!) Disappointingly,  the DJ would not let us play any games. When Samantha and I skated over to request the Hokie-Pokie, Limbo, and/or the 4 corner dice game- he said he didn’t think he would play them because there were so many adults in attendance. We tried to make him understand, we were the adults and we would have most definitely been down for games. He persisted with the trendy pop dance songs- that must be what adults are into.  Not-so-surprisingly, some people made up their own games with typical Crossfit competitive and athletic components- racing round the rink. By the end of the skate session, everyone was sweaty, most were assessing possible blister rub areas on feet sick of being smashed in skates, and the party was far from over- to Parkville for drinks. Off we go!

One of the biggest joys of my life in the last year has been joining a Crossfit gym and focusing my workouts around the principals and philosophies of Crossfit methods. My gym is Crossfit Northland (crossfitnorthland.com) and I highly recommend the facilities, trainers, scheduling, and community of our box. Come check it out if you’re in KC!

To attempt to in-script all of the deep and varied reasons I appreciate and enjoy Crossfit seems a daunting task, but I’m feeling bold today. I’ll take the risk and jump in here with a few:

1-Crossfit emphasizes total fitness through whole body movements and functional movements instead of working muscle groups in isolation.

2- One Crossfit tagline is, “Crossfit: the sport of fitness.”  I like this idea- I wasn’t ever that great at other sports (read: I batted 8th on my h.s. softball team and tripped over the last hurdle EVERY time during the 300m hurdle race), but I am passionate about being active and pursuing health and fitness.

3- Crossfit fits almost anyone’s level of fitness with its scalability of intensity and load without program changes.

4- Instead of focusing on one or two aspects of fitness such as strength and speed, Crossfit seeks to optimize physical competence  in ten recognized fitness domains. They are: Cardiovascular and Respiratory endurance, Stamina, Strength, Flexibility, Power, Speed, Coordination, Agility, Balance, and Accuracy.

Reasons 1-4 are widely accepted perks of Crossfit. Most personally for me, I appreciate:

5- Not having to plan, or motivate myself through, a workout. I show up and mobility training, strength work, a relevant warm-up and a kick-in-the-butt WOD awaits me. When it’s planned for me, I push myself harder, work with more intensity, and don’t quit early.

6- I like working out. I have been blessed with a body that can do some of this stuff well and I’m flat out entertained by thrilling activities like burpees, squats, pull-ups, box jumps, handstands, and sweating like crazy. When I work out I am less stressed and more prepared to work and be a mom, wife, neighbor, dog walker, and friend.

7- I’ve seen improvements in my physical strength and body composition. I also in general feel stronger and more confident in my ability to do physical tasks (ie: carry or chase children, lug grocery bags, push a car backwards down a driveway, etc…)

8- When I workout at Crossfit Northland I see friends. I am encouraged and challenged by trainers and others in the class. I get to workout with my husband, sister, 2 brother-in-laws, a sister-in-law and lots of new and old friends.

9- And I guess I’m writing today to admit that there’s competition mixed in with all of this and I might actually be competitive.

Is this okay this competitive spirit?  Competition is rooted in comparison and comparing ourselves to others is not something I usually endorse. Should I be motivated to work harder because someone else is going against my time and might be putting up more weight…or because I want to be stronger, healthier, more fit for my long term health? If I complete the WOD faster or with more rounds than someone else, does that mean I have achieved anything- that I’m better than them that day or should feel better about myself? What’s the line between competition and vanity? Does anyone win at Crossfit? Does winning matter?

I’d like to think that I don’t really care about winning, that I’m not fiercly competitive. I could in fact give you a list of competitive people in my life (remote throwing, dice sweeping, TV finger-pointing, crying- after-games people) and describe to you how I’m totally different.  How I just like playing the game and don’t really care if I win.

However, when I come home from Crossfit with the fastest time that day, I’m happy/proud. I do check the whiteboard to see what other girls, and Drew,  have done with the WOD that day to benchmark myself and have a goal.

I think competition is good when it does serve the purpose of setting a target for my aiming efforts that day. When I need context for a goal and something for which to work harder, faster, and with more strength. Competition, when I use it for myself, not antagonistically against others, can be beneficial. Like I said earlier, when I work out alone, I don’t pick up heavy weights, don’t run as fast or far, and don’t ever attempt overhead squats. With Karen next to me during the push-up test however, I didn’t want to stop because she hadn’t and I wanted to keep pace or push myself farther. I was happy to have done more push-ups but not because I beat Karen. Instead, Karen helped me to beat myself. I exerted extra effort and more “umph” because she was doing the same right next to me.

I think it’s been good for me to admit I’m competitive in some areas of my life. I think most of my competitive urges come from within my own desire to achieve to the best of my ability and I’m thankful for a gym where others are helping me see how I can run harder, squat deeper, push-up more powerfully, and live with more health. I also hope I am a humble competitor that looks outside myself to help others compete to achieve the best of their ability. To give others something to aim for without arrogance and with no ill consequences, but props and support, if the target escapes us that day, is for me, a healthy dose of competition.

See you at the finish line…may the fastest person that day win- and then turn around to cheer everyone else on to the end.