A Prescription for Inscription

I like a bit of organization and appreciate parameters. I know better where to go when there is a benchmark set before me.

A month ago, Drew started writing down to-dos with abandon and I had an idea for our Monday nights. The result is two-fold. There now hangs on the back of our basement door, a recycled sheet of school paper with my hand written scrawl forming two columns.

I’ve typed it up here for easier viewing. You don’t want to view the chaos that surrounds this taped up list on the back of that door!

*Kid work in italics.

We structured our Saturdays and Mondays for manifold reasons but mostly these two:

1. We wanted to get some things done more regularly.
2. Nights seem to go by quickly- kids to bed by 8:45 if we’re lucky and then, often we default to a device, more work, or a show instead of spending intentional time talking together.

This has been a good rhythm and helps us have something set to accomplish that keeps us moving.

Of course there’s more that needs to happen and weeks we have to boot the whole thing. The idea is teamwork and a structure that takes it off our minds.

The success of the schedule so far begs the question, “What else should be listed in routine?” Kid showers? My work life?! Fingernail clipping? Iphone photo deletes?

The other big win for 2016 so far has been some negotiations. Talking to strangers about money, services or contracts is not high on my list of fun afternoon activities. Put it right behind changing bunk bed sheets, or getting a shot. Not comfortable!

However, our internet service fee increased and I was charged for some insurance on a rental car that I did not need. In both cases, I spoke to an associate on the phone who explained they could not remove the fees or adjust the bill.

In both cases, with trepidation and yet some gumption, I asked if there was someone else with whom I could speak. Both times, I was transferred to a manager and got my issues resolved.

The next person on the line had more power to make a change. I reciprocated the power given with my own power to thank, promise return service, and yes, I’ll give good feedback on our conversation if I’m surveyed.

Seems like perhaps the first answer isn’t always the end answer.

We say this a lot in Young Life as we ask kids to camp. At first, an adult leader asking you to go to a camp far away in the summer can be a NO.

“Is there someone else I could talk to?”, asks the timid or too-cool high school friend.

“Yes, yes there is. Please speak to one with more power- your peer who went last summer.”

I want second opinions or another voice in most everything I do. I make quick decisions and then back pedal later in some decisions (external processor probs), so I understand coming back around to revisit something.

In a world that is whirling and threatens to accelerate our emotions, schedules, families and souls beyond our health, I think reminders, set routine and rhythms give life.

Second opinions, “under further review”, processing more, or pushing past the first hesitation, just might get us the action or answer we really want. 

The only way to follow up a long blog about an unbelievable journey through the World Series that ended in a Royals WIN, is obviously to write about cloth napkins and my good friend Carol.

Carol is one of my best friends and a Missouri foundation of support and love. I come to Carol for friendship, love, wisdom, support, ideas, help, and advice. Carol comes to me with love, help, smiles, faithful blog readership, and bagels, books, gifts, and Sonic for my children.

Carol thinks of others more than she thinks of herself and is always willing to help. I have received so much from Carol, its now one of my favorite things to be asked to help her in some small way. Carol came into my life to offer transactional babysitting and became a best friend. Over the past almost decade, we’ve walked many miles, drank much wine, prayed many prayers, sunned by many pools, listened and talked for countless hours, and grown up a little bit ,the both of us. Happy Birthday Carol.

One more thing about Carol- she uses cloth napkins too.

There are a few things I’ve done my whole marriage long: enjoyed Drew as my favorite everything, and used cloth napkins.

We learned about cloth napkins through our good friend Binny who used them for every meal, and then threw them on the wooden stairs leading up to her second floor laundry. I love the memories of nights we shared around their table, napkins on my lap during Chief’s party afternoons, and that pretty pile of used napkins on her steps.

I got some napkins for my wedding but have bought most myself. Most of my napkins are 10 years old now and receive daily use. I’ve started to collect some seasonal ones and made some (with Binny’s help) for my sisters and mom a few Christmas’ ago.

I love them for how sturdy they are, how comfortable they are to use on our mouths, hands, and laps and how little waste they create. I don’t mind the washing and folding of them at all. In fact, I’m minding it less and less as Andi becomes more and more adept at folding herself!

My recent appreciation of my cloth napkins came when I packed a picnic for Oakley and me a few weeks ago. I packed two cloth

napkins which we used as a “plate/tablecloth” on the rock and as a napkin. It was easy to pack in and pack out. I was already using a cloth lunch bag and Tupperware. so the lunch was completely trash free, in addition to Oaks and me being comfortable with our cloth in the great outdoors.

For what its worth, I recommend them. Perhaps you’ll consider them for your Thanksgiving table or Christmas wish list!

It matters were we walk.

This week, I was experiencing stress at the end of myself with Oakley’s attitude and a big bout of fussiness. For “no reason at all,” (in quotes because I can realize at a rational moment that he had reasons in his two year old head that I didn’t slow down enough to figure out…) Oaks was throwing a fit.

I wanted to throw one right back.

The impatience within me was heated and explosive (I’m not proud of my temper), and I almost let it out in anger. Instead, I walked away. I went upstairs to my room, a whole floor away, and took deep breaths while pacing and putting away shoes- putting all that hot energy to use!

Oaks yelled out to find me and I was able to answer him calmly, and then return downstairs to his presence. The frustration had melted away and I felt so relieved.

Walking away, steps up the stairs, gave me a victory over a flooding emotional moment. 

I took another victorious walk this week as well.

I wanted a snack. I most always want a snack in the quiet of the afternoon. I’m not usually hungry. I just want to snack.

I headed away from my computer and towards the cabinet of temptation and diet doom. Instead of reaching in, I had a mental check-in moment, slowed down my habit-driven hand, and used a short installment of self-will.

I walked away. I took a lap around the house the other way, grabbed some water, and sat back down.

Walking away gave me a victory over mindless eating. 

When I reflected on it later, I thought, “This is so good, this walking away…how else could I use ‘walking away’?”

Then, I realized walking away is not always great.

We should not walk away from commitments or people who need us.

Instead, I thought of all the important walks we take towards good things.

The walk down the aisle at my wedding to join my life to Drew, was a great “walk towards”. The walk of the civil rights activists in Selma towards justice was an epic “walk towards”. The walk towards my kids off the bus, instead of the waiting inside for them to come to me, gives them (especially Andi) the gift of me showing them I’m anxiously wanting them to be home, back here, walking towards me as I walk towards them.

So I’ll try to do more”walking away” when it saves a relationship from stress or stomach flab from extra calories. But I think right now, I’ll walk towards the bus stop and give a couple of kids a welcome home hug.

Oaks and I walk through the leaves last fall.

Our walk into June’s life…meeting June Marie for the first time ONE year ago!!! Happy birthday sweet niece!

Our 10 year anniversary walk down the beach in Michigan last summer

We had a wonderful adventure and smooth family trip traveling to Seattle, and surrounding islands, for my cousin Bonnie’s wedding two weeks ago.The quality time of

being with family from so far away, combined with adventures in the great outdoors, gave me the gift of being with and seeing my kids and family in real time. The phones and screens that we use to connect or distract occasionally (phone calls, Facetime, Google hangout, kid “electronic time”- mostly Minecraft,  wedding prep meetings with the couple..just to name a few) were put aside. Touch, eye contact, conversation, cuddling, and group interaction played out at full tilt.

Oakley’s genuine AWE on the airplane from the sight outside the window

The complete sibling, cousin set with Maama…silly heads.

COUSINS! Vienna, Andi, Eli, June, and Oaks

We hung out, laughed lots, celebrated and cheered, had to say goodbye and then came home.

After vacation, it’s hard to cook.

Drew and I decided to take our family to Chili’s for dinner two days after being home. This is a rare, almost NEVER-EVER experience for Team Osborne. The five of us do not go out to eat. Alas, we had a gift card and no motivation for making food appear on the table at home.

The kids were surprised but game…who doesn’t love chocolate milk refills and french fries? We got a big booth, long table, and upon it, a small screen. The screen is a “Ziosk”- a small computer offering games, menu browsing, advertisements, and we’d find out later, a way to pay at the table. We asked to have it taken away when we sat down as screens are intoxicating and distracting to what we were trying to accomplish: quality family dinner time- in a commercial restaurant? Yes we wanted it all.

Our waitress was great, our food mediocre, and the clean up we had to do: non-existent. We had a great time.

Then we had to pay. Our friendly, attentive waitress brought back the silly screen and required, didn’t offer, that we pay at our table. She walked us through it standing there and then said goodbye. The whole experience rubbed me a little bit the wrong way.

I know computers are helpful, essential, and powerful. And yet, I cringe and pout when screens take the spot of a person. I didn’t want more work for the waitress- her having to go back to a different screen and run our card and all, but wanted her to do what she could do as well as a screen or even better and without the extra-nonessential interface. 

Seems screens instead of people has been in my face lately.

In Seattle, we ordered from a Subway drive-thru with a touch screen. It seemed smooth enough but prohibitive as well. We couldn’t ask for mustard on just half or for the footlong to be cut into thirds. In the end, I had to get out of the car and enter the restaurant, intercepting our order and asking for mustard packets and a specific slicing set up. The worker danced back and forth between the window where Drew was paying with a credit card, and me with my special requests.

Finally, we’ve been to the library three times in seven days. We are potty training Oakley (still too new for commenting) which has us upping our reading times.  Plus we just love the library- we gobble up books.

Over a year ago, the desks with “my people” (friendly library staff) were moved back and to the left, and four check-yourself-out (actually, check your own books out- it’s not a mirror) stations with SCREENS were placed front and center. No longer any need to stand across a desk from a person checking out my books, I can do it all myself, while chasing kids and juggling books.

The library screen is much smoother than Subway’s or Chilis’ and serves a money and time saving purpose for a non-profit, while serving the consumer pretty well. Still, I miss the help and the friendly conversation of the library staff. Now I only get to talk to them when I have to pay a fine.

I’m adjusting, digesting, and fighting the screen infiltration. In some ways revealing my low-tech/anti-tech tendencies, in other ways,  perhaps preserving person-hood and teaching my kids that real life happens best in real life.

We came home from Chili’s that night and took a walk. We went down to the small pond, ran into a neighbor, and skipped/tossed rocks as a family. It felt like really good, real life. I sat in the moment, loving it, living it and being grateful. Then, I took a screen shot of it.

Fall brings invitations to new adventures, obligations, commitments, and friends. I welcome the rhythm of new beginnings and a bit of starting over, mixed with a return to the familiar and routine.

As we approach the end of our summer (as in, “It’s not Labor Day yet!”), we still have major moments to check off the list: Drew is heading to Las Vegas this weekend, I’m going to attempt to stain paneled walls, and finally, most momentous, we’re all five flying to Seattle for a wonderful wedding for my cousin Bonnie, and the opportunity to meet my sweet new niece Vienna for the first time!

Like everyone, I feel there is a lot to do and a little bit of time.

Here I write to myself (and you) some of the best and simple advice I have on time stewardship– in short snippets because we’re all busy:

• If you only have five minutes, think, “What can I finish?” never, “What can I start?”
• Plan your work, then work your plan
• The goal is not balance but living out good priorities
• Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of the things that matter least
• I cannot manage time- time is a gift. I can only manage myself within time.
• There is real freedom in life-giving limits!
• I literally cannot do more than one thing at a time. When I try, one thing is suffering from a lack of full attention.
• There are lots of good things out there I could do…but I only want to do the best (for me) things.
• Time flies

That last one is easy to say and very true. So…what do we do?

Maybe this?

• Live right where we are as much as possible.
• Realize order, structure, and schedules are nothing but vehicles for our life in Christ lived out ON PURPOSE, with priorities, alongside other people. 

I’ll end with a centering prayer I learned from my friend Jim Gordon- pastor at Pine Ridge Pres here in KC.

Let’s pray it out loud and move on with the day.

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know that

Be still and know

Be still and

Be still

Be.

Amen

Ahh burpees- literally lifting yourself off the floor…over and over.

Not counting a leisurely bike ride on Mother’s Day, Sunday, I haven’t worked out for the last five days. I’ve been in town and had the schedule availability and even the desire to work out, but have a bit of an injury/sickness that has made me tentative to do regular Crossfit workouts.

Today I packed workout clothes in the car when Oaks and I headed out to meet a friend for park play around 9:00am. I thought we could fit in an easy workout at the gym, Oaks practicing his dribble, and me earning a shower and burning some calories.

Then, I had a mental quandary and a long conversation with myself in my head and ended up here:

“Self, go do something. Anything is better than nothing. Just a little stint on the rowing machine at least.”

“How about “no”?, Self. Do the errand instead. Return the “really cute but too small around the arms” (muscles or too much ice cream?) Royals shirt that Drew gave you for Mother’s Day.”

“Returning the shirt with Oakley in tow will be a work out…but still, you should go to the gym”

“I think I”ll do the errand. One more day of taking it easy on my aches and pains won’t hurt my lifelong fitness.”

And that’s when it hit me…LIFELONG FITNESS.

We hope our time away from family to work out, is showing our kids that we think health and fitness are important…we also try to work out mostly at 5:30am so they never know we’re gone!

That’s the goal. Movement and health for as long as I live. The ability to run, play, exercise, compete in sports, move up and down stairs, chase kids and grandkids, lift heavy stuff, do hard things…I want to do all of this for a long time. Looking fit and fitting into my clothes- always a bonus.

If we approach working out as a lifelong endeavor, as a habit and a rhythm, a part of who we are and what we do, perhaps the burden of guilt, or fear of fat, will lift when working out just doesn’t work out for a moment, week, month, or season.

People who do Crossfit get injured. People who run and walk and lift and dance, kick, or throw, get injured too. Activity involves risk. Injuries require healing and rest. For people who are used to activity, rest is the hardest! I’m raising my hand here and thinking of my friends who have gotten very hurt and have taken time off, done months of PT, and then come back to the gym. They’ve come back brave and healed, with head-held-high-humility- indeed they have overcome.

In short, taking time off can do more good than harm. Resting a weary body, allowing a sick or wounded self space and time to heal, or simply skipping the gym because life is complicated and full in this season, does not disqualify one from fitness.

I have taken longer breaks for sure, but today felt the purest peace in knowing that a week off, or even 10 weeks off, is OKAY when fitness is your lifelong pursuit. I will still be fit. I can get back into shape

I will only work out for my whole life if I don’t do it every day of my whole life. (Read: I am not an elite or professional athlete. Duh.)

It’s not rocket science or an excuse to stay home from the gym today if you’re planning to go…but it is a mental pass for people who might otherwise get all tangled up in somersaults of guilt and shame…instead, let’s take deep breaths with our eyes closed and drink two extra glasses of water and call it good.

Cheers…and Peace.