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How To Live When You’re So Well Loved- Castaway 2015 in review

When you slow down enough to pay attention to people in your path…

And you say YES as often as possible…

With people who cheer for you all around you every day…

You’re living in a earthly experience of what God intends for all of life to be.

IMG_5044IMG_5063Having just returned from Young Life’s Castaway Club where we spent 24 days working, living, laughing, learning, listening, playing, and walking…I feel an overwhelming sense of having been somewhere set apart.

I return with memories in my eyes, ears, heart and head that give me vision moving forward in their remembering back.

At Castaway this year, we stood up for slowing down. IMG_5051

For the first two days of the assignment, we sat as a group of 20 staff people from Colorado, Illinois, Iowa, Indiana, Minnesota, Missouri, Tennessee, Kansas, and Kentucky and proposed a posture for our positions. We talked about an attitude we would cultivate to season our service. Everyone had input and many ideas found their source in scripture. Gratitude, humility, stick-to-itiveness, and service beyond self, came through as themes.

The speaker, Dave, painted a picture of moving slow enough that we could be interrupted as we went about our jobs. There would be the tension of having to get somewhere on time, with work that was due, and yet the necessity of being available to people in the project’s path. The ultimate example of perfection here: Jesus, in Mark 5:21-40- on pursuit to heal Jairus’ daughter, he slows to stop the suffering of a bleeding and broken woman. For me, it meant stopping at the center sidewalk to talk to a leader about her girl who wasn’t opening up, and then hustling to make it to the meeting downstairs in the Windjammer. Sure I could stop to listen, and then I could run with my backpack bumping to catch back up!

To move on mission, with space for interruption, exposed my natural tendency toward tasks and my usual bent towards double tasking that takes me out of listening. At Castaway this year, I learned to literally walk in step with the Spirit, listening to the person right in front of me, hearing them, and responding as I was led and able. Every time I slowed or stopped, it felt like a muscle was being pulled and stretched- by the end of the month, indeed I was more limber, able to flex and bend.

 

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Oaks getting to sail with Kristian and Maelie- Oak’s little girl friend who held her own. He respected such a strong woman.

I try to be a “Yes-saying” Mom. Limiting and saving my “No’s” for when I really need them to keep my kids safe or help make them strong, smart, or spiritual. I think saying “Yes” opens up opportunities and gives space for DISCOVERY (“Sure go down to the dock with a fishing pole.“), RISK (“Yes you can climb up the cliff”.), JOY (“Okay, you can buy something from the vending machine.“), and  FULL ACCESS (“Yes, go for it! Climb the climbing wall again!“)

My kids hear me say NO when necessary and unfortuantely a few extra unneccessary “Nos” as well.

At Castaway, for the property staff and us as assigned team members, we wanted to say YES as often as possible to give campers full access to what Castaway has to offer, and YES to their sense of adventure, spirit, energy, joy, and discovery.

My favorite example of this coming true came over my radio one day.

“Sail beach to Kelsi”

“Come in Sail Beach”

“The campers want to take the sail boats out and there just isn’t very much wind. Do we let them?”

“Yes, sure. If they think it will be fun, let them go. Give them a paddle and send them off.”

I saw Kelsi right after hearing that conversation and affirmed her YES saying! She was opening up all that was being offered, letting kids have control and ideas and ultimately telling them once again, “This is here for you. Enjoy. Feel loved, feel celebrated, and know you have full access to a life full of adventure, joy and discovery.”

At Castaway this year, we were surrounded by support that allowed us to be our truest selves. 

To the last point, indeed Castaway captures a bit of heaven on earth. The intent is to present the gospel of God’s great love and good news to high school kids in an environment made for them, with excellence and intentionality, and care and love.

My family benefits from being in the environment of a whole community on mission to serve outside themselves to show big love. Each of my kids had advocates, fans, and friends that blessed them.IMG_5087

Andi was carried around and cheered on by Sean, Intern in charge of guest services and zip/climb. He remembered her from being on my summer staff in 2011 and was impressed by her tenacity to climb and her conversations with campers and his team. With such encouragement and support, Andi scaled the rock wall, explored Castaway with confident independence, and danced The Whip on stage at the end of every opera having packed and created her own costume. Those black boots! Dana our nanny took a whole afternoon to spend time with her and they doubled up on zip line rides!

Andi helps throw frisbees

Andi helps throw frisbees

IMG_5040Oaks was extravagantly loved and worthy of it. He was incredibly lovable all month. Oaks was friendly and smiley, talkative and tolerant of constant attention. He tried hard to learn names and remembered so many. With the summer staff and work crew, he was silly and sweet. With the kids in the Ketch and Dory, he was energetic and engaged…wanting to play all day. Simply sand filled his afternoons at the beach, with ice cream snacks on the way up to 4 hour naps…bedtime moved to 10:30pm. Oakley loved playing “sliberee” (that’s Frisbee) and walking all by himself. He loved Dana and couldn’t wait for Daddy to come. He woke up with snuggles and threw fits so much less often than at home- mostly at meals that were loud and crowded. He was loved and lived to love back.

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Eli’s birthday shake! Happy 9 years old E!

Eli surprised me week one by spending so much time at the bead cart, crafting necklaces and bracelets. He was friendly with the summer staff who worked there and less interested in zip lining this year. A bit slower and deliberate in smaller things. He moved from beads to spike ball and octoball too. Eli learned from campers how to play and then taught others who came later in the weeks- thus winning the hearts of Olathe High School girls.

Eli's spike ball friends.

Eli’s spike ball friends.

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Climbing the cliff…YES you can!

He was independent and kind. One leader said, “Your son bumped into me in the doorway and stopped, turned around, and said, ‘I’m sorry I bumped you. That was my  fault.'” He showed maturity in taking on a part of the Opera that meant he had to learn lines, lip sync, and dance on stage! He performed for 3 weeks with humility and hard work. He was celebrated nicely by new friends and had great guys his age as buddies.

All three of my kids were at their best. Overcoming obstacles that usually trip them up, accepting the love and encouragement offered to them, and sensing the freedom, community, and adventure all around them, they were more capable of kindness and tenacity than in our normal life. I was overwhelmed with the love others gave to my kids. I learned a lot from other moms and was grateful for the chance to live with such great families, couples, and individuals.

There is no other time or place where the five of us can feel so loved, accepted and needed on mission.

The beauty of the property, the capable, personal and self-sacrifical interns, the fun families, and the shared mission of people spread all over the country, living next door to each other for three weeks, touched and changed us.

We hope we left little hand prints to help the people we met and served as well.

When you live in love, you are living as you should be, and find yourself free to be all of who you really are!

Thank you Castaway. Thank you.

 

 

 

 

 

Castaway 2015

Oh boy, what a quiet almost month here at lindseyosborne.com. I took on an extra job in June and laid down my “pen”.

The job was to serve as a temporary camp administrator for Park Hill/Park Hill South Young Life. My goal: to get 25 high school kids and 5 adult volunteer leaders to Castaway for a week of camp, June 28-July 4th.

Details, phone calls, data entry, invitations extended, decisions made, and bags packed…all came together for the culmination of expectations and experience when they arrived last week. I came to Castaway with my kids three days before to start my three week assignment serving as a Head Leader.

(Our own family journey to get here involved a freak van breakdown and unfortunate 2 year old-ism by Oaks that landed my phone in a pool. Alas, we came, traveling safely, meeting our nanny Dana, and now live in full swing with the other assigned team families!)

Along with the Park Hill kids last week, St. Joseph and Savannah, MO high school were here with kids and leaders. My Young Life journey is 13 years long now and it started in Savannah. When I sat in the club room and heard kids stand up to share the impact of their week on their relationship with Jesus, or acceptance of God’s love, I felt like the luckiest person in the room. I was getting to see what God is doing and who God is wooing in places that mean so much to me. So many students were genuinely transformed to hear they are loved and longed for, held and called forward, healed and set free.

They all went home on the 4th of July and we got to have a party on the beach as a staff. Eli sat in the lifeguard chair with Connor to watch the fireworks, Andi and I went paddle boarding (Oaks sat at my feet) and got stuck in the seaweed- we overcame as the sunset. The weather has been beautiful and the love of a community in a place of beauty has indeed set us free to lived loved.

Eli, Andi, and Oaks are comfortable here and love every nook and cranny. Because they are loved, they are brave and bold. They push themselves to try new things and are friendly to all. Everyone loves Oaks so much he is never left alone. He dances to every song, asks people what their name is and responds by saying he is Oakley and he is 2 and 1/2.  He’s handling the love and attention well but needs a social break sometimes!

 Dana our nanny is wonderfully patient and deeply invested in my kids and the whole Castaway experience. She is a gift!IMG_4946 IMG_4934 (1) IMG_4931 IMG_4930 IMG_4917 IMG_4906 (1) IMG_4915 (1) IMG_4976 IMG_4952 IMG_4968
My job as Head Leader involves caring for leaders who come each week, facilitating the morning event of Real Life (a testimony time mostly), and many more details and small tasks. Last night I talked to a leader about kids who came with ok’s from their probation officers, then helped unclog a toilet and then found an extension cord for another leader- all in the 10 minutes after dinner. You never know what the day will hold but I have a good team and we are praying!
There’s no place I’d rather be…but am very ready for Drew to join us this Friday!

IF…THEN…

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Oaks often brings his stool over to help/see. Today he said, “Watch your toes Mama, I’m coming.”

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Cousin pool day!

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Eli gives June the last half of her bottle before nap #2

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Oaks couldn’t wait for June to wake up and get up…so he just got in!

IF you spend a day taking care of four children (3 of my own brood and one precious niece!), THEN you’ll end up with a full brain and short blog.

IF you put a stool in your kitchen, THEN you’ll have good help.

IF you buy peaches, THEN you’ll need to go back to the store to buy vanilla ice cream. Am I right?!

IF you live in the Coves, THEN you have the gift of very mature and developed trees- gorgeous in fall splendor or spring bloom.

Our deck trees

Our deck trees- cicada stomping grounds

IF you have yards full of mature and developed trees, THEN you’ll have a huge harvest of cicadas.

Listen to their song in our yard todayCicadas

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One of the 1000s

IF you have a loud cicada-landing-area as your yard, THEN you’ll get landed on by swooping cicadas. Eeeek!

castaway search…look what I found!

IF you Google Castaway Young Life camp for the address, THEN images of the property will pop up and you’ll be overwhelmed with anticipation and swooned with great memories- stopped right there in the middle of your productivity to breathe and smile.

IF you grow small leaf lettuce in your garden, THEN you’ll eat a few weed leaves, bits of dirt, and a smattering of bugs.

IF you’ve already eaten a bug or too in fresh garden salads,

Our little lettuce leaves with weeds all creepin'

Our little lettuce leaves with weeds all creepin’

THEN you’ll think the bits of basil in the store bought salad dressing, are bugs.

IF you pray and hold onto hope, THEN more kids will sign up for Young Life camp.

IF you build a swing set (or go grab one from someone’s yard like we did), THEN siblings will find each other in play and laughter- sweet summer music.

The girls

The girls

IF you stop to look around you, THEN you’ll notice the connection between decisions and outcomes and realize you cannot predict, nor would you want to, the shape of your life and the moments that make it meaningful.

 

It never gets old to…

I’ve been tired lately. Busy weeks and big events and summer starting…yesterday I dragged myself to the gym. Once there, I could hardly pick up the barbell I’d loaded. I felt like laying down next to it instead for a 15 minute nap, not a 15 minute AMRAP (as many rounds as possible).

On the other hand, I have thought often lately, “I’ll just never get tired of that!” 

I did a 10 minute YouTube yoga workout a few weeks ago and appreciated the instructor’s reminder to put my mind into the stretch- sending intentional effort into the muscle I was attempting to manipulate. “Where your mind goes, your energy flows. he said.

How true.IMG_0637

If my mind is filled with worry and fear, my energy goes to panic or protection. When I stew in mental defeat, I lose energy to recover and revive.

IMG_4363If I can focus on gratitude, my spirit lifts, my perspective is more positive and my breathing slows.

When I can wrap my mind around making a mental change, and even in fatigue, I’ve been trying (and enjoying) sending my mind to joy and thankfulness that my energy might follow.

I’ll never get tired of: 

  • spring blossoms blooming
  • being loved by Drew
  • eating outside
  • seeing mountains early on a blue-sky morning
  • meeting new babies (I’m writing from the home of my first ever nephew…brand new Baby Wilson!)
  • seeing my kids asleep (and wanting to wake them up and play with them just then!)
  • saying Oakley’s birthday- 10-11-12
  • ending my days with Drew
  • summer schedules (see last week’s post!)
  • Castaway sunsets
  • remembering favorite memories
  • shopping with my sisters
  • grace
  • good food fixed for me
  • watching Eli, Andi, and Oakley explore, change, grow, smile, laugh, talk, ask questions, give answers

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  • and much more…that I’ll think about while strolling the streets of Chicago in the sunshine with my inlaws..more good things…extended family, being outside, days away from ordinary life.

May your mind (and mine) go to the blessings and what’s best, so that your energy flows to making peace and joy in the world, living loved and holding onto hope. IMG_3606IMG_1364

Setting out for Summer

We’ve had a soggy start to summer with rain making our grass grow green and our baseball games (tonight) postponed for later play. IMG_4707

No matter the weather, this past Friday opened up my heart and schedule for my new favorite time of year: summer! Without school and with siblings together, with weddings, and new cousins being born, the summer 2015 is sure to be a good one. Kicking off right with a visit from Aunt Nat and Uncle John started the first of many memory making moments.

As we set out to summer…

  • We look back in gratitude.

Both of the teachers Eli and Andi had at school this year were wonderful.

Mrs. Spence gave Eli the space to use his energy and expand his mind all the while caring deeply about him. She was creative and patient in how she taught day after day.

Miss Culver had unbounded energy and excitement that gave Andi the confidence to grow as a reader and friend. She was attentive to details and always ready to party!

Lately, when my own kids have quirks, or are momentarily, but brutally, annoying with their silliness, I’ve stopped to close my eyes and tried to multiply my amount of being bothered by 22 times in order to understand their sweet teacher’s daily reality. Eeek. Shudder. Shake it off.

It’s one thing for a parent to love their kid but for someone else to truly care for and enjoy your child brings out a feeling of humble gratitude I sensed so much more this year than others.

Bless those women and may they enjoy their break! 

Back to the setting out of summer!

  • Appreciation abounds for the days Eli and Andi spent at Line Creek, learning and becoming little 7-habit conscience kids with new friends and chances to expand their minds and worlds. And yet, I’m so glad they are done! and home for over 72 days straight!
  • We will shape our days with some sort of a schedule for sanity and maximum fun and effectiveness!
  • The chalkboard in the kitchen contains our first summer brainstorm.IMG_4706

 

  • Here are our daily details I set forth with kid input:
JUNE- summer life before Castaway

Monday

 Tuesday

 Wednesday

 Thursday

 Friday

Kids Home school day…keeping sharp! GG Days JUNE BUG here to play all day! Eli Baseball games and COVES SWIM MEETS! Neighbor play!
Team WORK Clean out Van Pull Weeds Dust and Organize Pick up Rooms really well Clean up Basement
Mom’s stuff YL girls Bible Study/Castaway Prep Platte County Admin Work Write Blog Phone calls Young Life or writing work
Every Day Stuff *30 minutes of electronic time *45 minutes of reading *75 minutes of alone room time *30 minutes or so of hard work  (see row 2) *regular jobs as needed, trash, dishwasher and laundry

What we might plan on paper will come to life in ways we cannot imagine and must fully and freely live into- with many rabbit trails worth going off plan!

I’m so ready for sunshine and siblings, swingset and swimming!

We can’t wait to meet and cuddle Baby Cousin Wilson, all new and healthy in Chicago! We’ll wait just a little longer to meet and cuddle Baby Girl Sustad- on her way, coming soon to Vancouver!

We will walk down the aisle in celebration of Melissa and Chris this weekend as they wed!

We will celebrate Laura’s big 3-0 in addition to our own summer bdays and anniversary #11!

Castaway calls us north June 25-July 18th and Colorado will host us as we host our family reunion in August.

We end summer with a beginning- Bonnie and Joshua’s wedding in Washington.

OFF WE GO! See you in the sunshine!

May is Mental Health Month

Who knew?

It was five years ago that Drew and I stepped into an office at Friends University to see a counselor. We went for six months; being seen as a couple one week and then as individuals for the next two weeks. There wasn’t anything actually wrong but life was full and there were cracks. Being five years married, we were seeing 30 year marriages break apart. Plus we knew there were some things in our young marriage we wanted to pay attention to, learn to label, lean into, and heal. Plus, I was overwhelmed as student, YL staff person, and potty-training mom. Drew came along for the ride at first personally, and then ended up changing careers by the time all her questions were asked and explored!

Our therapist gave little information but tons of insight. She asked us the questions we couldn’t come up with to ask each other. She revealed layers and gave language to emotions.

Reading Wild a few weeks ago, I read the part where Cheryl sat with therapist. Their interaction typifies the productiveness of personal therapy.

Cheryl: I’m like a guy sexually.

Therapist: What are guys like?

Cheryl: You know, detached.

Therapist: So who detached from you?

Cheryl: Oh… is this where I’m supposed to talk about my dad?

Boom. He took her from a superficial and vague statement, to a deep and poignant, truth searing reveal of deeper issues.

So it was with us in 2010, we learned how to reveal what was under the surface and gained the tools to work differently next time.

May is mental health month.  Simply because my sister works in mental health and cares about my kids growing up healthy, I ended up with a packet of excellent resources on mental health for kids/teens.

(May is also super-storm month in Missouri- as I type, the wind and rain whirl outside the window once again. Will my garden survive?! I digress…)

Back to mental health.

A few of the nuggets, written especially for teens but helpful to all of us:

1. Have Self-Respect

  • Self-respect says: I am aware of my strengths and weaknesses, I accept myself as I am right now with imperfections, I’m entitled to be treated with respect by myself and others just because I’m a human being.

2. Build a Gratitude Habit

  • Feeling grateful on a regular basis can have a big effect on our lives- it creates loving bonds, increases good moods, helps brain function.  
  • Gratitude open us up to see more possibilities and take in more information
  • Gratitude can boost our ability to develop skills, learn, and make good decisions
  • People who feel gratitude more often, are stressed and depressed less often.
  • Gratitude can lead to positive actions: when we stop to feel grateful, we often extend kindness to someone else.

3. Explore and Pursue Positive Emotions

  • The packet includes a worksheet for thinking of ways and times you might feel 10 positive emotions. 
  • Reflect and then practice feeling: JOYFUL, GRATEFUL, PEACEFUL, INTERESTED, HOPEFUL, PROUD, AMUSED, INSPIRED, AMAZED, LOVING

4. Find Healthy Ways to Deal with Less than Positive Emotions/COPE
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  • Feeling sad? Go to a mirror. Make silly noises and faces.
  • Feeling angry? Stomp your feet or jump in puddles, rip up paper, scream into a pillow, hit and kick a punching bag, shake your whole body and yell.
  • Feeling depressed? Go outside. Stop and smell the roses…or other flowers. Studies show that being in nature is a mood booster.
  • Stay proactive about being positive!
  1. On a daily basis, tell yourself that positive things will happen that day and in the future.
  2. Creative expression is really important and can convey how you are feeling: write a poem or journal entry, draw, paint, scribble, play an instrument, sing, dance.
  3. Hold, cuddle and hug your family daily.

*most resources here can be found on teenshealth.org and indigodaya.com. Here is the coping skills worksheet.

Drew and I learned about empathy, emotions, and entering in. We learned how to walk the rotation of the same fight we continually come back to with softer steps.

We hope our kids can grow up feeling secure in their identity in Christ, carry self-respect, and be a force for good and hope in their small little worlds now, and the great big world as they grow.

With 11 more days,Happy Mental Health Month. How might you celebrate?

 

When working out doesn’t work out.

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Ahh burpees- literally lifting yourself off the floor…over and over.

Not counting a leisurely bike ride on Mother’s Day, Sunday, I haven’t worked out for the last five days. I’ve been in town and had the schedule availability and even the desire to work out, but have a bit of an injury/sickness that has made me tentative to do regular Crossfit workouts.

Today I packed workout clothes in the car when Oaks and I headed out to meet a friend for park play around 9:00am. I thought we could fit in an easy workout at the gym, Oaks practicing his dribble, and me earning a shower and burning some calories.

Then, I had a mental quandary and a long conversation with myself in my head and ended up here:

“Self, go do something. Anything is better than nothing. Just a little stint on the rowing machine at least.”

How about “no”?, Self. Do the errand instead. Return the “really cute but too small around the arms” (muscles or too much ice cream?) Royals shirt that Drew gave you for Mother’s Day.”

Returning the shirt with Oakley in tow will be a work out…but still, you should go to the gym”

“I think I”ll do the errand. One more day of taking it easy on my aches and pains won’t hurt my lifelong fitness.”

And that’s when it hit me…LIFELONG FITNESS.

9am class-1

We hope our time away from family to work out, is showing our kids that we think health and fitness are important…we also try to work out mostly at 5:30am so they never know we’re gone!

That’s the goal. Movement and health for as long as I live. The ability to run, play, exercise, compete in sports, move up and down stairs, chase kids and grandkids, lift heavy stuff, do hard things…I want to do all of this for a long time. Looking fit and fitting into my clothes- always a bonus.

If we approach working out as a lifelong endeavor, as a habit and a rhythm, a part of who we are and what we do, perhaps the burden of guilt, or fear of fat, will lift when working out just doesn’t work out for a moment, week, month, or season.

People who do Crossfit get injured. People who run and walk and lift and dance, kick, or throw, get injured too. Activity involves risk. Injuries require healing and rest. For people who are used to activity, rest is the hardest! I’m raising my hand here and thinking of my friends who have gotten very hurt and have taken time off, done months of PT, and then come back to the gym. They’ve come back brave and healed, with head-held-high-humility- indeed they have overcome.

In short, taking time off can do more good than harm. Resting a weary body, allowing a sick or wounded self space and time to heal, or simply skipping the gym because life is complicated and full in this season, does not disqualify one from fitness.

I have taken longer breaks for sure, but today felt the purest peace in knowing that a week off, or even 10 weeks off, is OKAY when fitness is your lifelong pursuit. I will still be fit. I can get back into shape

I will only work out for my whole life if I don’t do it every day of my whole life. (Read: I am not an elite or professional athlete. Duh.)

It’s not rocket science or an excuse to stay home from the gym today if you’re planning to go…but it is a mental pass for people who might otherwise get all tangled up in somersaults of guilt and shame…instead, let’s take deep breaths with our eyes closed and drink two extra glasses of water and call it good.

Cheers…and Peace.

 

Wrapping up and Unraveling

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Our awesome spring bush in beautiful bloom!

Spring brings new in all sorts of ways. For me right now, some things have been wrapped up, tied off, concluded with gusto. Other things, previously held together nicely, have begun to fall apart, slowly, bit by bit, as a minor annoyance.

First, what’s falling apart:

  • Our library honor roll. We have missing books. My normal routine is to just renew a book coming due that elludes us at home. I’ve maxed out the returns on a Geronimo Stilton book that has been missing since February. It’s still missing. In a completely new fashion, I got an email last week that we returned one of our personal books to the library. In the heap of books the kids collected and stuffed into a bag that I then drove to the library and tossed into the return bin, we all missed that one of our own books was in the group! Bless the library for catching our mistake.

 

  • I suppose the other unraveling is out of my control. It’s the Royals. First they fought and then they started losing! Knowing the perfect 7-0 start to the season wouldn’t last forever, I was still unsettled by the brawls, players knocked out with injuries or ejections and suspensions, and a lack of runs scored at our fun family outing to the K  on April 22nd (they scored ZERO! runs), and questions to their team morality.

The list affirms I do not have real problems in my life. These small inconveniences remind me once again that it’s not worth getting upset about things that will be over soon, are not real problems, and that cannot be fixed but can be finished and forgotten.

Wrapping up…

-April! We finished April! It felt like one of the longest months despite it’s lack of a 31st day.

There were:

  • 15 busy days of tax season work for Drew,
  • an Easter holiday,
  • batting practices for Eli, gymnastics Saturdays for Andi,
  • 2 days of school volunteer work for me in their classrooms,
  • one wedding for a friend,
  • 8 days of traveling for me,
  • 15 Crossfit classes coached (and hopefully that many workouts worked-out!),
  • and 95 12-page papers graded by April 30th.

Always knowing that the spring is busy for our family, this year in particular, I became aware of the necessity to set it apart as a season and procure some protection. I must say “No” or “Not now” to some events, people, and invitations that come in the window of March 1st- April 15th. Hopefully this awareness will protect family sanity and health, allow me to give myself fully to what matters most and support Drew as he does his best work.

  • We’ve come to May, the end of the school year. Eli and Andi are wrapping up 2nd and 1st grade at their new school which now feels familiar and fun. New friends, new knowledge, and the bright light of summer at the end of the school tunnel. Amen!

 

  • I’ve finished some good books I’ll recommend to you for the struggles and spirit they document and invoke.
  1. All the Light We Cannot See Product Details
  2. Tattoos on the Heart 
  3. Wild. 

For all that unravels and wraps up, I am reminded that I’m held together by the one who was there before there was time and holds the moments from the mountains to the valleys in reality of great love and a trajectory towards peace.

Andi, Avery and Anniversary

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Today, a little birthday after school spontaneous “Build-A-Tiger”….Rainbow Stripe.

Today my daughter turns seven. For seven years, I have had the privelege of being Andi Gayle Grace’s mom and thus receiving a front row seat to her thoughtfulness and intensity, her soul and singing, her development and growth, and her personality, and play. For seven years, Andi has been  smiling, crying, eating, using her voice, and moving her body. For seven years I’ve gotten to take care of Andi, cheer her on, love, celebrate, discipline, and study her.Andi 3

Some things have stayed the same…

She picks: bare feet, puzzles, art, creative play in a corner, and being physical.

She skips: being left out or left behind, last minute changes or stress, brushing out the front of her hair, staying “even-steven” emotionally.

Somethings continue to impress and surprise us…

Her first grade tenacity and friend-making has far surpassed the overwhelming exhaustion she had in kindergarten.

She explored dance and gymnastics this year and has landed on gymnastics for the primary reason of getting to handstand and cartwheel her way through any where we go.

Andi decided to take her training wheels off on Memorial Day weekend and rode freely and strong off on her own in minutes!

Andi makes us laugh, gets angry quickly, loves deeply and so easily, and is still finding treasures in what most people see as trash. Andi loves her brothers and makes time for them individually. She crafts and writes and does really well at school. Andi is maturing into her own ideas and losing absolutely, not one ounce, of artistic imagination. I celebrate her beauty and efforts and affirm she is cherished just as she is right now and will be forever.

On a whole other level, I just returned yesterday from visiting another “daughter” of mine.

I met Lauren when she was 15 and in Park Hill Young Life club. Drew and I gave our whole life to Young Life kids at that time of our life and Lauren was one we loved the most. She spent hours at our house and she and I became the best of friends. Seven years ago, she met the man she married in 2013. Last week, they had a baby girl named Avery.IMG_0013IMG_0029

I was invited into their precious first days as a family to feed Lauren so she could feed Avery, to say a lot as an experienced parent to brand new ones, but also to keep my mouth shut as they followed their own instincts and preferences. I stayed in their beautiful and comfortable house and helped with meals and errands, breastfeeding technique, burps, and her first bath. I was overwhelmed seeing Lauren so confident, comfortable and in love with her daughter, and yet not surprised at all. Lauren will be a wonderful, loving, intelligent, invested, crafty, and attentive mom.

Aron’s love for Avery was off the charts when I arrived on day 1, but his confidence in newborn handling was a bit low. He grew 5-fold in 5 days in his level of confidence and skills in caring for such a tiny human. He never ever wavered in his unconditional support and love for Lauren. Their marriage is built on a deep friendship and their love birthed a baby who is invited up into love that happened before her, and will always be there for her.

I am so grateful I got to spend days with one of my dearest friends, in awe of her maternal intuition and ease of mothering. I loved meeting a very precious new baby Avery, and being a part of their life in Dallas. I went to help, reassure, remind, affirm, teach, and cook. I left, filled up having been a part of something so special and new and felt very taken care of by my good friend and her sweet husband and their hospitality.

And we’ve marked a family anniversary...

While I was gone, the one year anniversary of our move-in date to our new house happened. We moved April 26, 2014. On April 26, 2015, Drew and a gang of strong and adventurous men friends, moved again…a swing set into our back yard.

We’ve spent a year trying to resurrect the remains of grass that once was lush and healthy but is now very clover and weed infested. We spent a year growing vegetables in the garden we inherited, wore out precious new healthy grass for the very good reason of backyard baseball during the Royal’s World Series run, and we ate meals out on our deck.

We made innumerable inside memories with our first fire in the fireplace, hosting baby showers for Laura and June and Lauren and Avery, a wedding shower for Melissa, and Christmas Being. We woke up here on Christmas morning with stockings hung on our actual mantle. We’ve met neighbors, made friends, and swam laps on the swim team. We changed schools and haven’t looked back. We’ve hosted visitors and held sleepovers.

On the night we moved in we measured the kids on the doorframe in the laundry room. This year, they measured almost 4 inches taller each. We’ve literally grown up in our house.

The swingset was a dream of mine. I wanted a place to play, be active, be imaginative, be alone, be together, and be free in our own backyard. We were doing okay on all this without one but I thought our backyard and children’s brains and bodies would benefit from one. I wrote a note on the door of an unused looking set asking if perhaps they were done with it. A nice man called and said, yes they were and sure it could move to our yard. One month later, Drew led the charge, our friends stepped up, and my dream came true.IMG_4398IMG_4415

As we look celebrate Andi, welcome Avery, and adjust the angle on the swingset, I’m amazed. Life is moving and my heart might as well move with it.

For Andi and Avery: You are precious daughters of the perfect parent, God, who made you, loves you, knows you, and celebrates you. You are bold and beautiful and built to do hard things. You have our love always, no matter what. We cheer you on as you climb mountains and we will catch you when you need hugged and held. Be all of YOU, all the time. You are blessed, and a blessing.

For 4105 NW 79th Ter: You have held our family and hosted our friends. Thank you.  Please don’t do anything expensive in 2015. We are saving money for cars, who thank you for the garage spaces by the way.

 

Salvation-simply.

I’m not sure I can call myself a theologian but I do hold a Masters of Divinity. What a sobering degree- I cannot master the Divine.

Today, however, a friend how to explain salvation to her eight year old. I immediately admired the astute question of her deep, little person, but couldn’t respond right away. After thinking, I’ll suggest, very inexhaustibly, the following.

In seminary, I wrote salvation can be understood in two ways: as atonement (to set things right again) and reconciliation (brokenness restored to wholeness). These are great words but still unhelpful to a well-read, but still-in-the-concrete-operational-stage, eight year old.

So in concrete and logical terms, salvation is…like super glue

Salvation happens right now and is something that will happen in the future.

When salvation happens right now, its like something broken, gets put back together. If a tea cup gets dropped and cracks into three pieces, it needs to be “saved”. A broken tea cup will not hold any liquids; it cannot be what it is meant to be.Super glue can save the tea cup. When super glue brings the broken pieces back together, the toy will work as its supposed to work.

Right now, salvation means help in hard times. Salvation means being saved from a disaster- big or small. Salvation is when broken things get put back together.

It’s not just toys that break. Relationships can break too. If we get mad at our brother or sister or mom or dad, it’s kind of like our relationship is broken. We don’t talk to them like we normally do, or we do mean things instead of loving things. Salvation happens when the relationship is glued back together with forgiveness and a love that goes deeper than disappointment, anger, or frustration. Forgiveness lets the broken part of the relationship go away so the fun and loving parts come back.

If you’re grumpy and you get over it, salvation has happened in your heart. If you are mean to your sister but then say you’re sorry, salvation has happened.

Jesus said salvation came to Zacchaeus in Luke 19 when Zacchaeus decided to stop taking money unfairly and return what he had stolen to the people. He was saved because he accepted Jesus’ love and justice as the better way to live. Salvation for Zacchaeus meant he could be who he was really supposed to be.

Salvation is something that will happen in the future.

God is always working for good; God is always light in dark places. God loves the whole world and all the people and doesn’t like when people break the world or each other with anger, abuse, fighting, sickness, pain, or waste. God’s future salvation will happen when all the broken parts of the world are fixed and the world can be the place God made it to be- a place of healing, hope, health, safety, sharing, peace, fairness, freedom, love, fun, joy, and beauty.

Until God’s final salvation comes, we are supposed to make salvation happen here, right now, whenever we can. We can bring salvation to a friend who feels left out by inviting them to come play. We make salvation happen when we clean up trash around the park so it looks prettier for everyone who comes to play. We make salvation happen when we admit we are wrong, work to be different next time, and make things right with the sister/brother/mom/dad/friend with whom we fought.

Jesus saved with love instead of hate…we can too.

When I asked my own elementary school kids, after school just now, if they knew what salvation meant, they said, they had heard the word but didn’t know what it meant.

I said, it’s close to the word “saved”, “What do you think it means to be saved?”

It’s when you’re about to be hit with a dodge ball and then someone jumps in front of you and catches the ball.“- Eli

Like when a kidnapper is going to take you but someone stops them and gets you back.“- Andi.

Indeed- salvation is like getting to stay in the game instead of being knocked out.

Or salvation is like being ripped out of the arms of someone who means to take you from the life you’re supposed to live, and being held by arms that will keep you safe and take you home.