A Prescription for Inscription | Notes about Nothing, Something, Questions and Good News

October 21, 2015

Retreat but no respite

I’m heading out of town for four days of leading and hosting retreats for my Young Life job.

These are annual retreats and often the highlights of my year as a trainer. I get to spend quality and “quantity” time with my folks, learn from the conversations and other speakers, and I really do enjoy all the parts of hosting- planning meals, games, and lots of teaching.

This year, they just happen to be right on top of each other: Thursday-Friday and then Saturday-Sunday.

Alas, my head, stress capacity, “desk”, and refrigerator are full!

Here’s a bit of what I’ll say, which is teaching me all over as I prepare to teach:

We cannot replicate what we do not live ourselves.
Limits are life giving not restrictive.
We are supposed to break through limits that limit us: FEAR (“What if I fail?”) and FLAWS (“I’ve never been good at that so I won’t try now.” or “I’m always clumsy so they shouldn’t ask me.”)
Teenagers are still under construction and need protection, advocacy, wisdom, friendship, love and prayers.
Our identity is not our circumstances, it is knowing that we are image-bearing beloved children of God who are called to work alongside Jesus in Kingdom purposes with Spirit power.

Here’s to hoping the Royals wrap it up today before my retreats!

October 14, 2015

A Royal Ride

Comeback. Magic. Awe. Unbelievable. Repeat. Remember. Elimination. Expectation. Pressure. Celebration. Unlikely victory. It’s never over til it’s over. Thrilling. Exciting. Stressful. Hopeful. Youth. Experience. Management. Dugout speeches. Rally. Doom to Boom. Overcoming. Believing. Coming together. Listening. Watching. Playing. Hoping.

These are our buzz words. This is our emotional roller-coaster. Kansas City is turning blue- from fountains to footwear. Today’s teachers and bank tellers are wearing t-shirts and jersey’s with jeans instead of ties and suits and dresses. Kindergartners and 86 year-olds are wearing Royal’s gear. “Go Royals” is a greeting just as good as, “Hi” or “Bye” even if your consort is not wearing blue.

I’m living in Kansas City in the middle of the baseball playoff season on the edge of my seat.

Monday’s ALDS Game 4 was our elimination station- the Royals had to win and they weren’t. After watching at a quiet Ruby Tuesday with Drew and then Laura over their work lunch hours, Laura and I left to our own car radios to get back to work. We would listen to what was surely the end. For us, it never occurred not to listen. To many of my friends, when the going got tough and ugly, they tuned out and turned it off.

On Barry Road I heard the reversed call that ended Terrance Gore’s trip around the bases in the top of the 7th. I heard a two-run Correa home run off a Ryan Madson 3-2 pitch. Then before I let out my “Ugh” breath, the Astro’s hit a solo home run to go up 6-2 by the end of the 7th.

I entered Oakley’s Parent’s Day Out pick up with a low countenance. I felt defeated and that the playoff run was disappointingly over.

I texted Laura and Drew, “It’s over”

Laura texted back disappointment and righteous anger.

After buckling Oakley up, at the start of the 8th inning, I texted Laura back to say, “Beat defeat! Hold onto Hope.” That’s what I tell Andi and for some reason I told myself and the Royals in that moment, as well.

By the time we drove the 3 miles home, the Royals had hit 3 singles. The bases were loaded and Oaks and I ran to the basement.

Our radio is down there as well as Oakley’s train track so we were both set. Every time they got a hit, and then runs, Oakley and I would run. Laps around the basement. Overly jumpy jumps on the mini-trampoline. Some runs with Oaks right behind me, others with him on my hip. He would high-five and chant “Let’s Go Royal’s- clap-clap- clap” on his own volition and then go back to playing trains. Then I’d scream and jump and he would drop the train to celebrate with me.

So went our act for all of the 41 minutes in the top of the 8th inning. We came up with the Royal’s ahead 7-6 in the ninth to greet Eli and Andi and welcome them to the basement celebration.

Turns out their speech teacher was sending everyone out of the school yelling, “It’s TIED! They TIED IT UP!”. They listened on the bus radio until their own small voices with big yells took the bus over with “Let’s Go Royals” chants. “You would have heard us on the street Mom!”, Eli assured me.

Hosmer would hit a two-run home run in the ninth and Wade Davis gave us six outs.

They had hoped. They beat defeat.

And hope is what we hold again today. Game 5 will start in exactly two hours and hope rises high. Confidence and trepidtion sit side by side and blue people gather in homes and at the K.

We have to be grateful for the weeks before this one. For me, my Monday antics- the emotions, words, texts, screams, high fives, and jumps and time with Oaks and listening to the end with Eli, are gifts I hold dear.

To overcome when you’re down is not just a great and rare sports experience, its a design we are built to wear.

When I am down, if the odds are stacked against my kids, or the score is uneven for the underdog, the call to hope should be heralded.

To beat defeat is to hold onto hope.

Hope is different than faith- it doesn’t demand an outcome or proof, it just says, “I am choosing to believe the good can come, and the deficit can be erased, and the odds overturned.” Hope says, “Don’t give up and know people are cheering for you.” Hope says, “Being stuck isn’t where I’ll stay.” And hope says, “I hope they can do it tonight.”

October 9, 2015

Turning 3 for Oakley

Sunday will bring the Royals to the ALDS Game 3 (Let’s GO ROYALS!) and our family to the celebration and recognition of Oakley’s Birthday 3.

Oakley was born on 10-11-12 which means for the last THREE WHOLE YEARS, I have been:

Carrying Oaks in my arms, or on one hip
Reading 6-10 books aloud daily
Rocking in our rocking chair ( A precious gift from Drew’s grandpa-christened by Eli and Andi. The comfort and coziness, cuddles, Curious George books, and occasional crying are all held in the beige rocker we cherish.)
Saying, “Drew! Look!” and pointing out something cute, smart, precious, or fun that Oaks is doing
Watching Eli laugh at something Oakley does and help him out.
Watching Andi play with Oakley and bring him into her worlds
Singing songs in my voice that brings adults to cringing but my children, so graciously, to smiles and sleepy send-offs
Strapping him into carseats (only after E and A could buckle themselves did I go ahead and have a baby and start all over in the car seat category!)
Watching in awe as he sees something in the world or someone else and lets it light up his whole face with joy.
Saying, “Thank you” as Oakley is a gift for which I feel undeservedly blessed.
Making food for Oaks that will help him grow.
Balancing a baby/toddler and working from home.
Asking for help from family and friends who have stepped in care for Oaks when I’m working or away.
Smiling
Loving having 3 kids and being our family.
Wondering if I’m doing okay as a mom.
Sharing Oakley with Parent’s Day Out teachers, Jacob’s Well volunteers, babysitters Emma, Carly, and Abby, and our family. Hearing what other people notice in Oaks affirms or deepens my understanding of who he is and where he’s heading.
Holding Oaks in tears.
Hugging Oaks in early morning exuberance.
Sneaking peaks and back rubs while he sleeps.
Playing with Oaks- keeping up with his energy and imagination best I can.
Taking deep Mom breaths and wondering why I get so overwhelmed
Balancing 2 kids in school and one at home.
Giving Oaks prayers and blessings.
Enjoying simple days at home just me and Oaks.
Taking him to non-kid places that I have to go
Affirming Andi’s wise words a year ago at his party: “Good thing we have Oaks!”
Welcoming the chaos, loving the surprises, treasuring the wonder, marking the moments, paying better attention in my mom maturity, making mistakes, kissing, laughing, taking notes, being outside, and being so so grateful that he is mine, and ours, and 3 big-boy-years-old.

I celebrate Oaks as a gift and pray God grows Oakley up secure in God’s great love for him in Christ, and gives Oaks reminders of the presence and power of the Spirit to help, heal, and offer hope to the world.

We love you Oakley Andrew Osborne!

September 30, 2015

Just “walk away”…OR walk towards

It matters were we walk.

This week, I was experiencing stress at the end of myself with Oakley’s attitude and a big bout of fussiness. For “no reason at all,” (in quotes because I can realize at a rational moment that he had reasons in his two year old head that I didn’t slow down enough to figure out…) Oaks was throwing a fit.

I wanted to throw one right back.

The impatience within me was heated and explosive (I’m not proud of my temper), and I almost let it out in anger. Instead, I walked away. I went upstairs to my room, a whole floor away, and took deep breaths while pacing and putting away shoes- putting all that hot energy to use!

Oaks yelled out to find me and I was able to answer him calmly, and then return downstairs to his presence. The frustration had melted away and I felt so relieved.

Walking away, steps up the stairs, gave me a victory over a flooding emotional moment.

I took another victorious walk this week as well.

I wanted a snack. I most always want a snack in the quiet of the afternoon. I’m not usually hungry. I just want to snack.

I headed away from my computer and towards the cabinet of temptation and diet doom. Instead of reaching in, I had a mental check-in moment, slowed down my habit-driven hand, and used a short installment of self-will.

I walked away. I took a lap around the house the other way, grabbed some water, and sat back down.

Walking away gave me a victory over mindless eating.

When I reflected on it later, I thought, “This is so good, this walking away…how else could I use ‘walking away’?”

Then, I realized walking away is not always great.

We should not walk away from commitments or people who need us.

Instead, I thought of all the important walks we take towards good things.

The walk down the aisle at my wedding to join my life to Drew, was a great “walk towards”. The walk of the civil rights activists in Selma towards justice was an epic “walk towards”. The walk towards my kids off the bus, instead of the waiting inside for them to come to me, gives them (especially Andi) the gift of me showing them I’m anxiously wanting them to be home, back here, walking towards me as I walk towards them.

So I’ll try to do more”walking away” when it saves a relationship from stress or stomach flab from extra calories. But I think right now, I’ll walk towards the bus stop and give a couple of kids a welcome home hug.

Oaks and I walk through the leaves last fall.

Our walk into June’s life…meeting June Marie for the first time ONE year ago!!! Happy birthday sweet niece!

Our 10 year anniversary walk down the beach in Michigan last summer

September 23, 2015

One more major recommendation…Books for Being Better

Thanks for reading last week and sending some recommendations my way. Image result for our dad is not mad reclaim

I’d like to add one more recommendation which is also an invitation.

In the course of the last year and a half, I co-authored, edited, and shared in the writing of four small books about our identity in Christ as a key to health and wholeness.

My aunt is the lead author and gave me the great invitation to come into the writing world with her on these self-help sort of books. We were looking to lead people into a healthier understanding of God, self, and freedom.

Each book has an element of reclamation in it’s title and message. The ministry behind the books is called Reclaim Ministries. To “reclaim” is to take back something lost or stolen or to rescue from an undesirable state.

The books are easy to read and built with questions for self or group reflection. The books include action steps to put what you read into practice.

Please check out these books and find their messages could lead you to hope, healing, freedom, faith, joy, love and peace.

Image result for our dad is not mad reclaim

See much more about the Reclaim ministry and each of the books in the “You Were Meant for More” series here.

I am most excited about the third book, Our Dad is Not Mad because of it’s healing and hopeful reminder that God is not angry or judgmental, but bent on pursuit and invitation, participation and love with all people.

Here are the specific links to the books.

Our Dad is Not Mad Softcover book

Our Dad is Not Mad Ebook

If you live close to me in KC, I have copies on hand for $10. Just let me know!

Thanks for the shameless self-promotion day here on lindseyosborne.com. I share in hopes they will be blessed to be a blessing to you!

September 16, 2015

Recommendations

Ask your friends around a table sometime, “Hey, what do you recommend?” and just let them answer in absolutely any way they’d like.

Without too much explanation, if someone asked me today, I’d say,

“I recommend…”

1. Watching the Demetri Martin Live Comedy Special on Netflix. –He mostly makes jokes out of plays on words…I love words! I find his dry humor funny and less offensive than most.

2. Unplug and check-in with who and whats right in front of you. Spend a day away from social media every week.

3. The “Cerise Limon” flavor of La Croix sparkling water. The tall cans are so fun and flavor is great.

4. Leave your phone when you take your kids to the park. Play, sweat, run, chase, tickle through the bars, or just watch.

5. Potty train a kid when they are really ready. Wait at least 3 months past when YOU want to start and make sure there are 4 of 7 readiness signs present. Then it’s just bliss and success for all. For us, the third time really has been the charm! A few specifics here; I have to recommend:

Spend 3 days naked below the waist at home, ready for runs to the potty at anytime with no comfortable protection for them to drop or let it flow into undies or a diaper
Have multiple little potties and take them with you when you go somewhere in the first 2 weeks to month of training. Longer if you’re headed to port-a-potty or “Sorry you’re out of luck, just hold it” places like soccer practice or parks!
Don’t ask or make them go on a schedule. Let their little bodies lead them.
Celebrate with a song and dance- no sticker chart or m & ms needed. Our song: “Rah, Rah, Ree Ree- Oakley went pee-pee!” If you change “Ree-Ree” to “Roo-Roo”…

6. Giving your masseuse a message. I had a wonderful hour long massage and hour long facial on Monday. Do wish the masseuse had asked me less questions and told me fewer stories. Next time I will, and right now I recommend, telling the therapist, “I’d like lots of pressure and very little talking. Thank you.”

7. Unsweetened vanilla almond milk.

8. Nights without TV. Some nights, we need to distract and disengage from real life and engage in humor or adventure on screen. Other nights, we do so and miss out on catching up conversations, really long reading times, or solitude and sleep.

Our compost mystery vine has yielded gourds and squashes of great variety.

9. Trying to grow something outside. It’s a lot of work but a good lesson in tending to what we’ve been giving and reaping what we can sow right around us.

10. Going upside down. Do a handstand, a back flip, or a headstand against the wall. It’s good for your back and legs to take a load off and a fun challenge for your head and neck!

September 9, 2015

So many screens and not enough skipping rocks

We had a wonderful adventure and smooth family trip traveling to Seattle, and surrounding islands, for my cousin Bonnie’s wedding two weeks ago.The quality time of

being with family from so far away, combined with adventures in the great outdoors, gave me the gift of being with and seeing my kids and family in real time. The phones and screens that we use to connect or distract occasionally (phone calls, Facetime, Google hangout, kid “electronic time”- mostly Minecraft, wedding prep meetings with the couple..just to name a few) were put aside. Touch, eye contact, conversation, cuddling, and group interaction played out at full tilt.

Oakley’s genuine AWE on the airplane from the sight outside the window

The complete sibling, cousin set with Maama…silly heads.

COUSINS! Vienna, Andi, Eli, June, and Oaks

We hung out, laughed lots, celebrated and cheered, had to say goodbye and then came home.

After vacation, it’s hard to cook.

Drew and I decided to take our family to Chili’s for dinner two days after being home. This is a rare, almost NEVER-EVER experience for Team Osborne. The five of us do not go out to eat. Alas, we had a gift card and no motivation for making food appear on the table at home.

The kids were surprised but game…who doesn’t love chocolate milk refills and french fries? We got a big booth, long table, and upon it, a small screen. The screen is a “Ziosk”- a small computer offering games, menu browsing, advertisements, and we’d find out later, a way to pay at the table. We asked to have it taken away when we sat down as screens are intoxicating and distracting to what we were trying to accomplish: quality family dinner time- in a commercial restaurant? Yes we wanted it all.

Our waitress was great, our food mediocre, and the clean up we had to do: non-existent. We had a great time.

Then we had to pay. Our friendly, attentive waitress brought back the silly screen and required, didn’t offer, that we pay at our table. She walked us through it standing there and then said goodbye. The whole experience rubbed me a little bit the wrong way.

I know computers are helpful, essential, and powerful. And yet, I cringe and pout when screens take the spot of a person. I didn’t want more work for the waitress- her having to go back to a different screen and run our card and all, but wanted her to do what she could do as well as a screen or even better and without the extra-nonessential interface.

Seems screens instead of people has been in my face lately.

In Seattle, we ordered from a Subway drive-thru with a touch screen. It seemed smooth enough but prohibitive as well. We couldn’t ask for mustard on just half or for the footlong to be cut into thirds. In the end, I had to get out of the car and enter the restaurant, intercepting our order and asking for mustard packets and a specific slicing set up. The worker danced back and forth between the window where Drew was paying with a credit card, and me with my special requests.

Finally, we’ve been to the library three times in seven days. We are potty training Oakley (still too new for commenting) which has us upping our reading times. Plus we just love the library- we gobble up books.

Over a year ago, the desks with “my people” (friendly library staff) were moved back and to the left, and four check-yourself-out (actually, check your own books out- it’s not a mirror) stations with SCREENS were placed front and center. No longer any need to stand across a desk from a person checking out my books, I can do it all myself, while chasing kids and juggling books.

The library screen is much smoother than Subway’s or Chilis’ and serves a money and time saving purpose for a non-profit, while serving the consumer pretty well. Still, I miss the help and the friendly conversation of the library staff. Now I only get to talk to them when I have to pay a fine.

I’m adjusting, digesting, and fighting the screen infiltration. In some ways revealing my low-tech/anti-tech tendencies, in other ways, perhaps preserving person-hood and teaching my kids that real life happens best in real life.

We came home from Chili’s that night and took a walk. We went down to the small pond, ran into a neighbor, and skipped/tossed rocks as a family. It felt like really good, real life. I sat in the moment, loving it, living it and being grateful. Then, I took a screen shot of it.

August 19, 2015

A short bit about “short-on-time” tips!

Fall brings invitations to new adventures, obligations, commitments, and friends. I welcome the rhythm of new beginnings and a bit of starting over, mixed with a return to the familiar and routine.

As we approach the end of our summer (as in, “It’s not Labor Day yet!”), we still have major moments to check off the list: Drew is heading to Las Vegas this weekend, I’m going to attempt to stain paneled walls, and finally, most momentous, we’re all five flying to Seattle for a wonderful wedding for my cousin Bonnie, and the opportunity to meet my sweet new niece Vienna for the first time!

Like everyone, I feel there is a lot to do and a little bit of time.

Here I write to myself (and you) some of the best and simple advice I have on time stewardship– in short snippets because we’re all busy:

If you only have five minutes, think, “What can I finish?” never, “What can I start?”
Plan your work, then work your plan
The goal is not balance but living out good priorities
Things that matter most must never be at the mercy of the things that matter least
I cannot manage time- time is a gift. I can only manage myself within time.
There is real freedom in life-giving limits!
I literally cannot do more than one thing at a time. When I try, one thing is suffering from a lack of full attention.
There are lots of good things out there I could do…but I only want to do the best (for me) things.
Time flies

That last one is easy to say and very true. So…what do we do?

Maybe this?

Live right where we are as much as possible.
Realize order, structure, and schedules are nothing but vehicles for our life in Christ lived out ON PURPOSE, with priorities, alongside other people.

I’ll end with a centering prayer I learned from my friend Jim Gordon- pastor at Pine Ridge Pres here in KC.

Let’s pray it out loud and move on with the day.

Be still and know that I am God.

Be still and know that I am

Be still and know that

Be still and know

Be still and

Be still

Be.

Amen

August 13, 2015

What Can 12 Days Hold?

I got to be with my sisters, sweet niece June, my kids, my mom, my grandparents…and do a backflip on the trampoline on my 35th birthday!

Between August 1st and 13th, I have been a part of:

A funeral/celebration of life service
A 35th birthday party (my own!)
A family reunion (in Colorado!)
A trip to the Denver Zoo
A Royals victory at Kauffman stadium
A first day of school

Oh what a heart can hold!

Oh how summer has flown, life has changed, kids have grown, awe has inspired, and hope has renewed.

Each of these events carries emotions that ride on the surface of their label, and a reality that comes from inside their existence as an event and seeps into the rhythm of my life, now beating to a slightly different beat.

Perhaps, a zoo is just a zoo and a Royal’s game can be won without changing my life…but the rest of these, happening on top of and in-between work, meals, and a lot of packed bags, have made their mark on me-mind, body, and soul.

A dream realized- we stopped in Oakley, Kansas for a photo shoot with our 2 year old Oakley!

By definition, a “reunion” implies separation and a coming together again. For our Torell family reunion”, the characters are connected through layers of family relationships, (originating with my paternal grandmother and her two siblings) and the time passed amounts to three years.

It strikes me, definitionally, that family reunions are different than a school reunion, where the re-gathered attendees were once part of a unified whole. On the contrary, in a family, growth, addition and rippling out means new people come into a whole that does not define their origin but includes them through relationship. Yes, there is connection even if you’re a spouse or a newly born baby to a 3rd generation mom, but the origin is getting farther away from new growth. Reuniting happens at the top; introductions and inclusion happen on the ground.

For my siblings and I last week in Colorado, we were reunited with each other, our Dad and Grandma- our original connected whole. And we reunioned with our second and third cousins- good people we have come to know through reunions past. The benefits are many: history, tradition, memory, and connection. Plus, fun, laughter, great conversations, good food, speed scrabble, softball games, and life in Estes Park, CO.

We love our Grandpa!

Champion hikers on our Gem Lake hike!

I was honored and exhausted by the opportunity to play hostess of the event with my sisters this year. We applied our gifts and experiences, work skills, and idea energy, to bring out the benefits for the whole. We were blessed by people who played our games, sang our songs, and danced our square dance. We left with greater love and wisdom from conversations with peers and elders. We had a lot of fun and a little bit of sleep with our Sustad- sibling- and- spouse crew.

We returned to KC from Colorado on Sunday, went to the Royal’s game on Tuesday, and sent the big kids back to school today, Thursday.

School, by definition, means summer is over.

School offers routine, social interactions with friends, exposure to the real world with its beauty, risks, and flaws, and gives my kids the gift of learning…a gift we must unwrap and fully enjoy with gratitude.

This year, the first day of school has not wrecked me as it has done in the past. I don’t feel like I’m losing my kids, instead I feel like I’m sharing them with the world and trusting them to make it and themselves better. I offer them me and our house as a safe resting place for the end of every day.

3rd grade for Eli, 2nd for Andi girl!

Is Super Oaks sending them off or trying to keep them close?

Oaks has asked about them twice so far; they are missed dearly by their younger brother, feeling a bit left behind.

Today, I’m grateful for the good words of my good friend Ray who taught me:

Healthy Things Grow

Growing Things Change

Changing Things Challenge

Challenge Results In…(whining, resentment, quitting, resistance, or…) RISK

Risk Requires Trust and Obedience

Obedience Brings Health

Healthy Things… the cycle continues…

Here’s to life at it’s beginnings, ends, and inbetweens.

Here’s to connection required and relished.

Here’s to school and staying sane.

Here’s to 12 more days and what might come as we walk them out in awe, hope, and peace.

July 29, 2015

Summer Puzzles

Reentry into the heat of Kansas City we were so aptly avoiding at Castaway, has meant we have stayed in a pool or indoors since our return. (I exaggerate and generalize of course-in actuality there have been pleasant swings in our new ENO hammocks and lots of weed picking, as well as un-air-conditioned sweat-fests at Crossfit…oh, and ice cream at Sheridan’s too)

Inside however, we are enjoying being back with our old toys and have started some new hobbies- mostly puzzling!

Andi has joined Eli in the Minecraft world and they have loud fun together planting pumpkins and cruising away from creepers. Is Minecraft a puzzle? It is to me!

Oaks has not been much of a puzzling guy in his toddler days. I felt he was on the brink of pushing out of shape puzzles and into interlocking ones, and I found a box of spilled puzzles in the basement, so we sat down to play last week.

Andi has always had an uncanny ability to see where pieces fit in puzzles. When she was Oaks’ age, she was doing puzzles for 7 year olds. Working a puzzle with Andi today is an amazing thing to watch. Instead of picking up a piece and trying it in multiple locations (my method), Andi searches the pile of pieces carefully, analyzing in her head, and then places it with confidence into it’s locking piece partner.

Without the innate skill set of his older sister, Oaks plows into puzzles with his own strength: strength. He mostly pushes really hard until the piece fits…matching the colors or design is not yet part of his strategy. And yet, he’s getting it and loving it and asking to do them over and over. And also, he’s dumping them out and walking away with all the glory of a true two year old boy.

Eli and Andi got a word search book in a Castaway care package and have been practicing school work with it when I make them…no need to do it every day they assure me. No school for 18 more days!

And for me, as a long time home newspaper subscriber, I’ve discovered a hidden gem in our daily delivery. Crossword puzzles! I love words! I love puns! I sometimes love riddles and hard questions! How have I missed out on these for so long?!

Alas, I’m enjoying the laziness of these last few summer weeks with the kids sleeping past 8am and the schedule for the day quite relaxed. I’m puzzling and loving it.

Becoming a more “cagey” (hint: witty) “user” (hint: consumer) of “clues” (hint: helpful hint) that help me not to be a “boor” (hint: fool) as the summer days “erode” (hint: wear away).

Hope you have something fun to do today and can puzzle your way out of a problem if you’re stuck.

Big leaves, orange flowers, growing all on its own!

PS- One more family puzzle, what is growing out of our compost?!

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